Thursday, August 11, 2005

"To Be Alive is to Be in Pain"

Okey-dokey, so here's another old Blank Gen column. It's dates from April of 2002.


"Youth is choas and self distruction. Becoming an adult is all about getting tired of all the bullshit and realizing what an idiot you were."
-Joseph Lowerbackpain

Before we get really started here, lemme once again thank everybody for his or her responses to my last column. For those of you wondering, NO, XX(name withheld out of modern day embarrassment)XXX DIDn't turn out to be asshole, but that's a whole 'nother story all together, one I ain't gonna get into right now. Actually, a couple years from now, I'm sure I'll write up the whole incident, or work it into a screenplay or something, but whatever. Right now though, we need to get into this column, so lemme just say "strap yerselves in, 'cause it's gonna be a bumpy ride" and we'll be off.

Now MRR sucks for many, many reasons, we all know that. SOME time in the near future I'm sure I'll write something more in-depth about it, but today I have come here to express my gripes with a particular "feature" of the zine. Yep, that fucking "punk parenting" column. Jesus H. FUCK (exclamation point) what is up with that column? Ne'er before have I e'er been assaulted with such liberal, hippie, ineffectual, Mother Earth BULLshit in a "punk zine." Column after column, it's always this "Every day the bond between my baby and me grows stronger. My love for her is like a river flowing long and deep through the mountains of my flaky, do-gooder moronicy."

How in the HELL does that bullshit qualify as PUNK parenting? That's all just hippie shit, yo. It's the same idiocy that they've been spouting for DECADES now. And have you ever SEEN how kids raised by hippies turned out? Kids raised by hardcore, commune livin', backyard gardening hippies? The kids that actually got to EXPERIENCE all that new age shit? That had those cruel philosophies inflicted upon them as children? Have you ever SEEN how they turn out? They are some of the most fucked up kids EVER. There's not a scar free wrist amongst them (you know what I mean). Hippies can spout all the peace lovin', flower smokin' bullshit parenting theory they WANT, but the TRUTH speaks a WHOLE lot louder then any of their drivel.

Why are hippies bad parents, by in large? Because they're fucking SELF-CENTERED, they put themSELVES and their own wants ahead of their children’s NEEDS. They're all about "me" and "what I (emphasis on ‘I’) want". Following the beat of the hippie drum is SUCH a fundamental mistake; a mistake which I thought most punk rockers DIDN'T make. But no, that fucking "punk parenting" column just keeps on spewing it's touchy, feely, idiotic jive and it's disgusting. Recently, someone wrote in and complained about how there wasn't enough childcare at some anarchist festival she went to. Ya know, and how it was SOOOO inconvenient for her to have to lug her baby to all the workshops. That's a PERFECT example of what I'm talking about, they were putting themSELVES and their WANTS ahead of their children.

When ya have kids, and this should go without saying, but THEY come first, EVERYthing else in your life goes on the back burner. When you have kids, your life, as you KNOW IT, changes, it becomes about providing and protecting and blah, blah, all that shit. A baby is not a HOBBY, it's not something you "do" on the weekends, and it’s a full time, completely life altering event. After having a kid, you are NO LONGER the same person you were beforehand. It all changes, it's all different and just fucking forGET about who you were "before" because it doesn't matter any more.

Having a child is what MAKES you grow up. It's what turns you INTO an adult. No longer a child yourself, now you are "grown up." Of course, 95% of people, when they have kids, they don't grow up at all. They don't cut out any of their old self-destructive bullshit, they don't assume responsibility for their lives, they don't do ANY of the things that makes one a TRUE parent. Most people, they just fucking HAVE kids, and they just happily bring them along into their own little world of dysfunction. There's no thought as to whether they're emotionally ready, or if they've really dealt with themselves and their problems. There's none of that. They just do it, and don't really think about it.

Of course though, if people actually DID do all of that, if they DID actually wait to have children until they were really READY, then the human race would probably die out within a hundred years. Damn old survival instinct and the need to propagate the species. Fuck you Mother Nature! Nature doesn't care if you're happy or not, evolution don’ give a FUCK if yer "satisfied", all they care about is that you just pass your god damned genes onto the next generation, just keep the whole thing going. Human beings and all life in general aren’t meant to THRIVE, it's just built to SURVIVE. You're not MEANT to be completely fulfilled in life, if you WERE, then you'd never DO anything. There'd be no motivation, no forward momentum, nothing would ever HAPPEN. Pain and fear is what gets things done in this world. You work/hunt to find food because of that ache in your stomach. You piss because it feels like you are going to burst, because it HURTS. To be ALIVE is to be IN PAIN. To be alive is to be unfulfilled, to be yerning, striving, just trying to keep your head above WATER. Being happy is the antithesis of nature. So yeah, that's why so many people are having so many kids when they are SOOOO emotionally unready to be parents, because that's just how life works. Your parents fuck you up, and you spend your life trying "fix" it all, and in that uhhhhh "quest", you get a lot of shit done. Things advance, everything moves forward. Pain caused by poor parenting is the steam in the steam engine of life.

Still though, there’s the question of, "If that MRR column is HIPPIE parenting, then what IS 'punk parenting'?" Whelp, lemme tell you, true punk parenting is just basically, "Don't have kids, ya re-re. You’ll just fuck 'em up too bad." Or if not that, then it SHOULD be about being AWARE of a lot of the factors of parenthood that most people aren't. It should be about thinking about how you feel about your parents, being aware of how they fucked you up. It should be about being aware of how your parents feel about their OWN parents, and how their parents fuck THEM up. 'Cause ya know if you hate your parents, and your parents hated THEIR parents, then it's pretty safe to say that your kids will hate you as well. Life is all pretty much just cycles and bullshit cliches and stereotypes that keep on repeating over and over again. A "punk parent" needs to be AWARE of ALL this vicious circles and should to do their best to keep their kids from falling into them.

Punk parenting shouldn't be about touchy, feely, new age rigmarole; it should be about acknowledging the fact that YEAH, I'm GONNA fuck up my kids no matter WHAT I do, even if I'm the best parent EVER, EVER (double emphasis on the second "EVER") I'm still gonna fuck up my kid somehow. It should be about being AFRAID of how you are gonna fuck up your kids. It should be about TALKING about that fear, TALKING to other people and ANALYZING whether you yourself are even REMOTELY ready to have kids. That's what is SHOULD be about, but no, it isn't, and every month when I read that fucking column in MRR, I get REALLY pissed because I don't see them talking about ANYthing like that. All I see is empty rhetoric, and bullshit theory and kids, which are most likely gonna grow up to be just SOOOOO extremely fucked up, far more then average, percentage-wise. Like that same person who complained about childcare, she made some comments about how there WAS child care at one festival or whatever and how it was nice for her daughter to get to be around other kids as "weird" as her. Now this child was THREE fucking years old and she alREADY felt "weird", like she didn't fit in in the world? She was alREADY feeling alienated at fucking THREE YEARS OLD........ Oh my holy fucking GOD (excla-FUCKING-mation point)... Most serial killers even didn't even feel like outcasts at THREE. I myself didn't even notice I was an outcast 'til like 11 or so. But at THREE YEARS OLD though, to feel like an outcast, holy SHIT is that kid ever gonna be SCREWED. Facial tattoos, surgically implanted devil horns and an amputee fetish are most likely what await that kid.

Punk parenting should be about LESS bullshit, not MORE. As I've said before, punk rock isn't some golden, ideological wonderland full of the GREATest people EVER with the BEST, HEALTIEST ideas, ever to have been espoused by man. It's mainly just fucked kids trying desperately to distract themselves from their own deep set emotional problems. And of course, when fucked up kids with deep set emotional problems have their OWN kids, you can sure as FUCK believe that THEIR kids are gonna reINVENT the meaning of "deep set emotional problems." You can see it happening more and more lately, people evolving into even BIGGER fuck-ups, even BIGGER emotional cripples. Shit, most punks nowadays are probably borderline agoraphobics, imagine where THAT's gonna go in a few generations if people don't get help. Punk rockers aren't the elite, and our ideals aren't somehow magically the answer to all problems in the world. Sadly though, a lot of us DO actually think that, and that's where the problems start to come in... When you think your ideals are the end all, be all, you stop thinking, you stop developing, and you just set about to shove your ideas down the throats of others. That's what religious fucks have been doing for centuries. They think they're right, they think they have all the answers, so they just try and cram it down the collective cake hole of humanity. The problem IS, they DON'T have all the answers, they aren't "better" then ANYone. They think they're great, they AREN'T. PUNKS think they're great, they think they have all the answers, BUT THEY DON'T, they're all just another schmuck who thinks they're better than everyone else.

A punk rock approach to parenting, an ANARCHIST approach to parenting should be about raising children that DO fit in, kids that can relate to EVERYONE, kids that understand and are friends with ALL PEOPLE, not just some ultra-narrow, marginalized 0.0001% of the population. Fucking hell, anarchism is supposed to be about people all GETTING ALONG with one another and working together in PERFECT harmony, but NO, anarchist types are mainly just the most outcast-y, fringy, anti-social, can't relate ANYone, fuck-tards you've ever met. Ever wonder why there are so many crossovers between anarchists and murders? These are unhealthy people. The more extreme their views, the more fucked up they are. They need to wall themselves off from reality and forge this little narrow world of lies and distortions because OTHERwise, they'd have to deal with THEMSELVES. They make the WORLD the problem, and not themselves. Not that the world ISN'T fucked up, mind you, but these people are far more fucked up, percentage-wise, than the rest of the world, and because of that, they are responsible for making the world a SHITTIER place to live. Which is of course, the exact OPPOSITE of their "aims."

The most unsettling part ABOUT that whole MRR punk parenting column is just the ignorance displayed by it. It's not questioning or challenging ANYthing, it's just following in line, doing what its told. I haven't heard any new ideas from its direction, it's not even remotely interesting, and it’s just fucking AWFUL. THESE are the people that raising the next generation? Oh my god, I hope not. Thankfully though, most punks don't HAVE kids. There really isn't such a thing as a "second generation punk", and that's lucky. If there was, the kid would just get too disconnected from reality. He'd be like a home schooled kid, all insular and weird, and wouldn't ever get any of the jokes comedians made, it'd be sad. Most people aren't meant/ready to have kids, INCLUDING punks.

And I mean, it's not like we still can't be influential on people, on the next generation or whatever. I mean, the punk rock community has been one of the major influencing factors in my life. Just because you're not someone's PARENT, just because they were not born of your loins, it doesn't mean you can't have any effect on them. Shit, just look at those aforementioned kids of hippies. At shows all the time I see like high school girls who were just SOOOO fucked up by their hippie parents and they just SOOOOOOOOOO WANT someone to BE a parent to them. You just look in their face and you see the pain, and the need for love and attention and how they want SOMEBODY to be their fucking DADDY because they sure ain't getting any fathering at home. It's sad, really fucking sad… Anyway, if being influential on the next generation is so important to you, if guiding young peoples lives, so they don't make the same mistakes you did, is something you wanna DO, then well, focus your attention on THOSE kids. Ya know, the ones that are fucked up now and NEED help, the ones the NEED guidance and parenting and well, LOVE. But don't have sex with them, because that's all creepy and sleazy and illegal and stuff.

And of course, having kids IS one of the most fulfilling things you can do in life, it WILL make you generally happier and you WILL be filled with some kind of unending hippie love river, BUT, BUT, BUT (double emphasis on the second "BUT" and triple emphasis on the third one), that is about YOU, and how YOU feel, it's about YOUR feelings. Sure YOU'll be happier and more fulfilled, but it's not ABOUT you, it's about the FUCKING KID. Who GIVES a shit if YOU'RE more fulfilled, it's about THE KID and how happy and healthy THEY ARE. It is not about YOU; it is about THE CHILD. It doesn't MATTER if YOU feel better about yourSELF because you've brought a child into the world that you ultimately are just gonna turn into one of the biggest fuck-ups ever to set foot on the face of the earth. It's not about you; it's about THEM.

MORAL OF THE STORY: Don't have kids, fucko.

OFFICIAL MOVIE OF THE WEEK: "Amelie." Thank you Shaun Anagram for recommending it to me. I HAD seen reviews and I thought it'd be too stupid and sickly sweet. I watched it, and YEAH, while it WAS really sweet, it didn't come across as saccharine, ya know, like one of the Jim Carrey movies were he wants to be "taken seriously as an actor." Jim Carrey wanting to be taken seriously as an actor is akin to Arnold Swartzenegger wanting to be taken seriously as an actor. Get it through your thick skulls, boys, you SUCK.........

OFFICIAL BAND OF THE WEEK: Ummmmmm, The Hole Adaptors.

OFFICIAL ALL NIGHT SAMMICH SHOP OF THE WEEK: Sheetz....... When I want a sub at 4AM, I know where to go.

OFFICIAL PERSON WHO SUCKS OF THE WEEK: XXXX "pretty baby" know why you suck........

OFFICIAL DVD OF THE WEEK: "Bully"........Larry Clark is a pervert..............

OFFICIAL REAL LIFE INCARNATION OF TV's "The Critic" OF THE WEEK: The guy from "Haiku Tunnel."

OFFICIAL PERSON THAT THREATENED TO BEAT ME UP ON A LOCAL PUNK MESSAGE BOARD BUT THEN NEVER FOLLOWED THROUGH OF THE WEEK: I don't remember who it was, but it was SOMEbody, I think maybe it was X XXXXXX XXXXX's bass player, maybe not…

OFFICIAL PLEA TO READ MY RIP OFF COLUMN OF THE WEEK: Read my bi-weekly column at the Rip Off Records website (, it's a shorter, eviler, more bullshit laden version of these Blank Gen columns.............