Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Explanations & Apologies Part 2:"Dude, your blog sucks"

Okey-dokey, so there's been a lot of negative responce to the JoF. Some people don't like the writing, some people don't like my vastly overdone promotional style. I said in an earlier post that I really just don't have the time to respond to individual complaints anymore. I said that I unless someone put together a coherent argument agin me that lasted at least three paragraphs(for example) that it just wasn't worth my time.

Needless to say, but people were too lazy to ever actually do that. They were content with reading my blogs and responding with two sentences every week or so, but it was just beyond them to put together something more substantial. I thought to myself, "Why do they put so much effort in in such small increments? Instead of writing half a dozen three sentence posts, why not just shoot your wad with one big one?"

I realized that if you stuck all those posts together, they actually WOULD equal a post of some substance. SOOOOOO, I did just that. What follows is an edited compilation of two dozen plus insults that have been hurled my way since this blog has started. I will present this all as one big chunk, and then afterwards I will respond to the claims made.

Enjoy:

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Dude, your blog sucks...

I tell ya, I love nothing more than reading puerile, bitter rants about the state of modern relationships. It must be nice not to have a job so that you can spend your time writing this inane, pointless drivel. Does your fat ass have anything else to do besides complain? I'm so glad you can be such a loser and still find something to do.

Post some more crap on how you can't get laid and how you
can't contain your rage towards those who are getting some action. Come on, complain some more about you reach some super emotional friend level with girls (aka, they would never want to fuck you)...it's really original. Hopefuly, once you get laid you will find more interesting things to write about.

I bet you think your record collection is supposed to get you laid, too and it's only dumb bitches who don't fuck you because if it. Do something yourself and shut up. If it was your best friend or wife or something that is a dilemma, but wanting to be fucking Greil Marcus all the time because you figure you were anointed as such because of your "superior" musical taste, is retarded.

Is it nice to feel so self satisfied and accomplished, writing your boring shit and then spamming your hip blog links on so many message boards? I don't mind reading this shit occasionally, and I'm all for people who delve into bad fiction/non-fiction rants and want people to see it, BUT....we realized you had a blog the first time you posted about it. Constantly updating on message boards about how "controversial" the thing is is mearly bothering people with shameless self-promotion. God damn, can't you figure it out yet? It's not controversy when nobody gives a shit!

What a sad post from a sad, sad man it. It should be retitled "Please think I'm controversial." You clearly have a serious, serious martyr complex. You may trick a lot of people into clicking your links but there's a big difference between an "avid reader" and some well intented chap that attempts to read your pointless assdrip and then gives up five sentences in out of sheer boredom.

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Yay, so there's the argument against me, and here's my responce:

"Dude, your blog sucks"

Seriously, over a thousand people a week read this blog. Whenever a new update gets put up, page views go through the fucking roof. Just the other day I got 650 some page views in 24 hours time. There are hundreds and hundreds of people reading this shit. This is a pretty surprising fact considering how new this blog is.

There are hundreds and hundreds of people reading it and there are under two dozen complaining about it. Do the math there. It's pretty clear that not EVERYone hates the blog, it's clear that not even MOST people dislike it. In fact, you're identifying yourself as part of a very small minority, less than 5%, by openly decrying my bullshit.

"I tell ya, I love nothing more than reading puerile, bitter rants about the state of modern relationships."

Yeah, my shit is really puerile. Especially when I talk about how unhealthy and immature so many of those "modern relationships" are. If this stuff was really that elementary and ill-formed, I'd be more whining about stuff like, "Oh god, why are things so crazy? I just don't understand why these things are happening to me? I can't figure out all these crazy, complex relationships." I am not saying that though, I am providing analysis and context and I'm doing a pretty damn good job of "figuring it all out". Paul Westerburg's lyrics to "Bastards of Young" THOSE were immature, but not my stuff. Or well, actually, YEAH, I AM immature, but in a relative sense, in the community, I actually AM prolly a little more mature than average. That's not saying much, though.

"It must be nice not to have a job so that you can spend your time writing this inane, pointless drivel."

I spend at least two dozen hours a week on this blog. That might not seem like a lot of "work" to people, but for someone disabled, a person who has been declared "Unable to maintain long term, meaningful employment", it's pretty damn good. And yeah, it's so sad that you would think it's "NICE" to have a metabolic disorder that is likely to kill you by your mid thirties.

"
Does your fat ass have anything else to do besides complain?"

Ahhh, here we start to see the first of the "fat guy" comments. Get this through your heads, idiots, just because I'm fat, it doesn't automatically mean my every effort in life is meaningless. In fact, quite the opposite, since so many people are so prejudiced against my kind, it forces us to be BETTER if we want to get any attention(I refer you to the fat chicks thread).

"I'm so glad you can be such a loser and still find something to do. Post some more crap on how you can't get laid and how you can't contain your rage towards those who are getting some action."

Not being able to get laid is one of the main, basic themes that every creative, artistic type talks about. I mean, come on, every single power-pop song is about not being able to get laid. This is just one of those type of things that people talk about. And look at it in the slightly broader sense; who DOESN'T talk about their disfunction in romantic area's? Expecting people to not talk getting laid, or the lack there of is just stupid.

"Come on, complain some more about you reach some super emotional friend level with girls (aka, they would never want to fuck you)...it's really original."

Yeah, it's BAD for me talk about things that are true. It is so horrible that I'm much more likely to acheive emotional intimacy than physical intimacy with a woman. And as for being original, it IS more rare for a guy to be like that. Usually it's the other way around.

"
Hopefuly, once you get laid you will find more interesting things to write about."

Well, again, this relates to what I said above. I AM fat guy who can't get laid, BUT that doesn't mean my every thought and opinion is wholly without merit. Just because I'm not perfect, just because I'm not wholly free of bias, it doesn't invalidate the opinions I expouse. Learn a little about logical fallacy and you'll find out pretty quickly that NO ONE is without bias.

"I bet you think your record collection is supposed to get you laid, too and it's only dumb bitches who don't fuck you because if it."

Yeah, I don't get this one at all. I mean, I realized eons ago that my record collection is not a social asset. It will never, ever get me laid. Quite the opposite, in fact. A lot of girls will just see me as weird and obsessive for such things. Of course, they'll fall head over heels for dudes with serious drug problems, THAT type of weird & obsessive behavior is much more acceptable.

"Do something yourself and shut up. If it was your best friend or wife or something that is a dilemma, but wanting to be fucking Greil Marcus all the time because you figure you were anointed as such because of your "superior" musical taste, is retarded."

Huh? Of all the rock critc (archi-)types you could choose from, you went with Greil "The Most Boring Man In Rock" Marcus? Furthermore, when the hell do I even WRITE ABOUT music to begin with? This blog is more "cult of personality" type stuff mixed with poorly researched sociological observations. As I said in Part 1 of "Explanations & Apologies", my shit comes from more of a pro-wrestling/stand up comedy type angle.

"Is it nice to feel so self satisfied and accomplished; writing your boring shit and then spamming your 'hip' blog links on so many message boards?"

Ahhh, now here we're getting to the crux of the other half of the negative JoF blowback. A decent amount of people don't like the fact that I ever so annoyingly bombard all the usual(and some of the unusual) boards with posts every time I update this fucker. I might stop doing this, but honestly, I think it's funny that people get annoyed by it. I reconize that it's kinda ridiculous, but really all it speaks to is my enthusiam for the stuff I write on here. I really believe in this stuff and I want as many people as possible to read it. Also, AGAIN, the pro-wrestling influence: I find promotional overkill FUNNY. You prolly would to if you'd watched wrestling your whole life and had to hear the announcers talk about the upcoming PPV every five minutes(for example). I know there aren't too many people out there that seriously study pro-wrestling interviews, but it's extremely interesting. Knowing how to manipulate the emotions of a crowd is fascinating. Look into it.

Also, in reguards to the spam-blitz, the simple fact of the matter is that it's WORKING. Every time I put up promo's people come here in droves and read this shit. The posts on the Goner Board alone are worth about a hundred referrals in a day's time. People's attention spans are changing, developing and with all the options out there nowadays, you kinda DO have to be constantly shouting in people's faces so they don't forget.

Ya know, this is a fucking BLOG, people barely, barely read these things. They read Agony Shorthand and a couple others, but for the most part they don't regularly keep up with a lot of blogs, maybe a dozen at most. Someone pointed out some where that "Yeah, everyone has a blog now, what's the big deal with yours?" The big deal is that mine is actually getting READ in large numbers and it's annoying people. That's great and it's way more than your stupid blog ever did. It's kind of even a joke that I keep on refering to it as a "blog" because it's definetly something different/more than that.

"I don't mind reading this shit occasionally,"

Yeah, that's another facit of the JoF that annoys people, somehow I've managed to build up this aura, pretty quickly, that EVERYone EVERYwhere has to read every single, little thing I post on here. They resent the fact that the blog is being pushed on them so hardcore. It's like they don't even have a choice as to whether they read it or not.

I also should note that it's pretty funny that most of the people I am annoying ever so much are the exact same people that take pride in their OWN ability to be dipshits on message boards. Why don't they reconize and greet their fellow traveler with open arms? If all I am is "just another message board asshole(MBA)", why are my efforts so poorly received by that crowd?

I think its because even though I came from that whole milleiu, I've actually OUTGROWN it. I still kinda do that type of stuff, but now it's really much more of a complicated thing. I've found some weird, small niche where I can piss off both the "normal" people AND the asshole crowd. A lot of people's knee jerk reaction is to just label me a straight MBA, but there's layers to the whole thing. First of all, there IS the initial, annoying MBA type character, but THEN, there's the whole sub-level of me BREAKING CHARACTER and going into painstaking detail explaining my actions and motivations. That's what this whole entry is, it's just another part of "the character", a character that's much more complex and way more successful at drawling attention than your average MBA is.

Ultimately, other message board assholes don't like me because I'm just fucking BETTER at this then they are. I'm so good at it, it's like I'm off in my own little world. YEAH, I've said it before, I know it's all pompous and arrogant and pretentious... That's PART OF THE CHARACTER, part of joke. I take a certain degree of my own genuine thoughts and opinions and then I cover them in bullshit.

"and I'm all for people who delve into bad fiction/non-fiction rants and want people to see it, BUT....we realized you had a blog the first time you posted about it. Constantly updating on message boards about how "controversial" the thing is is mearly bothering people with shameless self-promotion.
"

Yeah, that's obviously what it is, shameless self-promotion. And I was the FIRST person to make joke about it. I KNOW ABOUT IT, and it's developed into a nice little add-on to drawl attention to things. Fuck, you should've never let on that I was annoying you, because now that I've sensed a weakness, I'm going after it full force. Like I said, I'm way better than you at this.

"God damn, can't you figure it out yet? It's not controversy when nobody gives a shit!"

Oh please, that controversy entry very clearly outlined over ten posts that really fucking irked people. People were calling for blood over that shit. I nearly got beat up more than once. You yourself might not care about it, but that doesn't mean there weren't a good couple dozen some people that all worked up about it at the time it happened.

And ya know, I have more than successfully argued my point with all of this. Learn a little about the rules of debate, that one sentence of yours is not a proper responce to three pages worth of commentary.

Furthermore, another talent of mine is creating a ruckass, creating "controversy" over absolutely fucking NOTHING. My whole life I've had this odd ability to bring out the worst in people, get them all worked up over the most pointless cockscum EVER. It's funny...

"Get over your Andy Kaufman fixation."


Again, Kaufman used to be a big influencing factor, but I've long since moved on. The most notable difference is that he was renound for NEVER, EVER breaking character, while I, on the other hand, break character as much as possible.

"What a sad post from a sad, sad man it. It should be retitled "Please think I'm controversial."

Again, I could point you to at least two dozen some people that will testify to my own former/present controversiality(whether it be ironic or genuine).

It should also be noted that my constant invoking of "controversy" can be seen as just another fascit(sp?) of the mad, over-blown self-promotional bullshit. Clearly, there's a good amount of exaggeration in the stuff I write. I'm aware of that. So many people point to so many things in my writing and claim that, "OHHHH, this is the reason why he sucks, because of this part." But the cold, hard turth of it all is that I'm usually more than aware of those annoying parts and I consciously put them in there because I think they're funny.

"You clearly have a serious, serious martyr complex."

Wow, what a stunning, brilliant insight into my character. I have "JESUS" in my name and you call me a martyr. How did you EVER connect the dots with that one?

"You may trick a lot of people into clicking your links but there's a big difference between an 'avid reader' and some well intented chap that attempts to read your inane drivel and gives up after three sentences because of pure boredom."


Yeah, but those same people keep on coming back, again and again. Why? Because they're stupid and I keep on tricking them into reading this stuff.... HA HA..... fuck you