Wednesday, August 03, 2005

Explanations & Apologies, AKA:Pointless Ego-Wank

Okay, I think there's an entry or two on here that already deals with this type of stuff, but I'll be fucked if I can find it. I might as well write up something new.

(10)So suffice it to say, there are people that just don't get it. What is the "it" in this instance? They don't get my whole deal, my schtick, my personality and my "writerly persona"(there IS a difference between the latter two). Time and time again people will read a few paragraphs and formulate some extremely negative opinion of me based on very little. My writing sparks all these weird emotional reactions in people and I've spent a good deal of my adult life(ahaha) trying to understand and manage such reactions.

(9)Ya know, people call me arrogant all the time, which is true to a certain extent; but to merely label me as that is a gross over-simplification. I alternate between arrogant and self-depricating, or more precisely "fake arrogant" and "fake self-depricating". Conan O'Brien does it all the time. The blog is called the JESUS of FAILURE for a reason. I am like the coolest guy ever, but I'm a huge fucking loser as well. I push both fronts at the same time. That's my "image", my "persona". And at the end of the day, all of that basically just equals out to me KINDA believing in myself. Ouuuu, how threatening. Actually, in a world where most people are really arrogant and pretend to be humble, maybe such concepts are challenging.

(8)Also, these people apply the "egotistical" tag like it's some kind of surprise or original insight. YEAH, I'm aware of the arrogant stuff. It's supposed to be so blatent that you can't miss it. It's serves as parody, I'm satirizing people with out of hand ego's. You're not doing anything clever by "calling me out" about that shit, you're just proving that you haven't been paying enough attention.

(7)But even beyond that, I DO think I'm at least somewhat arrogant. I think EVERYone is arrogant, especially so most of my friends. Everyone is their own personal deity, I thinking they're right and being harshly critical of people that differ from their point of view. Jesus Christ, punk rock is all about arrogance, it's about screaming at the world, "The way most people do things most of the time is WRONG, I know the true path, I am an enlightened one." If that isn't arrogance, then I don't know what is.

(6)Furthermore, other "arrogant" stuff I write is just me acknowleding my own strengths. Yeah, I know a lot about music, I'm a good critic and I know a lot about human interaction and culture. Some would call me "arrogant" because they choose to not believe that I am strong in those fields. But those people are just wrong. This is not me being arrogant, this is me "slightly believing in myself".

(5)My main writing influences are stand up comedy and pro-wrestling promo's. That should give you a good hint as to where my head is at with most of this stuff. So much of it is just arrogant ego-wank that's played for laughs. I'm either trying to get you to hate me or love me. I'm awesome, and then I'm dick. I'm as guilty of distancing myself emotionally as any hipster, it's just that I do it in different way. I'm very slippery and elusive, hard to pin down. And YEAH, I'm AWARE that that last sentence was pretentious and full of shit, I know, I know, it's part of the gag

(4)It's like Triumph the Insult Comic Dog, yet I don't specifically say "I keed". I obscure that line because it makes things much more impactful that way. "Is he kidding or not?" "Hmmm, this seems to be like 85% of his actual opinion and then 15% out of control arrogant hatemongering."

(3)Ya gotta understand that all of this shit isn't just some elementry, easy to sum up thing. A one sentence encapsulation isn't a sufficient explanation. It's tough, complex and often times contradictry paradigm. Simply labeling me as "arrogant" or an asshole or as this or that isn't sufficient. It's all about stuff much nuianced.

(2)Do I think I'm better than everyone else? Well, I have my strengths and weaknesses. I AM better than people in certain areas, but I'm cleary WORSE than people in other fields. Ultimately, I DO think all people end up being equal, they all have their different mixes of strengths and weaknesses.

(1)Do I think I'm a "great writer"? Nope, but I do have SOME weird type of talent in there. It's not in any conventional, technical sense, it's more of an ability to grab people's emotions and provoke extreme reactions(again, the pro-wrestling influence). Do I think I'm a genius? No, but I am definetly smarter than average.