Sunday, August 07, 2005

"Everyone Says 'I Love You, But I'm Not IN Love With You"

Yay, in the spirit of yesterday's post I dug through some shit and actually found the first three parts of my hipster melodrama "Everyone Says 'I Love You But I'm Not IN Love With You' . I thought this shit was lost forever, but no, there it was sitting in the "drafts" box of my email. This all was written in December of 2003:

INTERIOR: A MODERATELY DISHEVELED LIVING ROOM. There's a few pizza boxes scattered around the room and a small bong sits on the coffee table. TV is tuned to VH1 classics with the volume turned low. Two people, one male, one female, sit on a crummy lime green couch. The female is young-ish, in her early 20'S or perhaps late teens. She is wearing a pair of tight, dark blue jeans with fake fading patterns, a white belt, pink chucks, and a Pretty Girls Make Graves T-shirt with a black hoodie over that. She has a vaguely electro-clash haircut. The male, in his early to mid 20's is wearing light blue jeans of an average fit, not too tight, not too loose, navy chucks and an Oblivians T-shirt. They are in mid conversation.

BILLY(with a slight tenor of desparation in his voice)-I mean, I know things are all fucked up with us, and all we ever do is make each other miserable and hurt each other's feelings, but think about it; Haven't BOTH of us been completely miserable our whole lives? Whether we're with someone or not, the only constant has been pain and misery and crying.

ANN(slightly interupting, mildy annoyed)-Do you have a point with all of this?

BILLY-I'm just saying that we're constantly trying to blame on each other for all this pain and shit, when the truth is that we'd be feeling the exact same way reguardless of the situation. We are people who NEED to feel miserable.

ANN(more annoyed)-You kind of have a point, but that's still fucking stupid, and it doesn't excuse all these times you've been an asshole to me.

BILLY(getting more desparate)-No, you don't it get, I'm not trying to say that the things we've BOTH done haven't mattered and hurt. I'm saying that reguardless of the situation or person, we're ALWAYS gonna be doing something that makes us both miserable. That is the way we feel the most comfortable. That's what we're used to.

ANN(slightly amused)-Look, that's a very nice "freshman year psyche-major" analysis there, but yer really not adding anything new to the discussion with that.

BILLY(angry)-FUCK! Stop being such a cold, smart-assed jerk. I'm being serious here!

ANN-See, this is yet another reason why things don't work so well between us, yer just too fucking humorless. What do you want from me, anyway? I thought I made things clear from the beginning that I didn't want any serious relationship.

BILLY-Oh fuck, not this again, you use that bullshit as an excuse in every conversation we have. SURE, that's how things started OUT with us, but after we started hanging out and fucking EVERY day for three months straight, I think the dynamic between us changed a little bit and it was pretty safe to say we WERE in a "real", "serious" relationship.

ANN-Jesus Christ, you talk about three months like it's 20 fucking years or something And I mean, we don't hang out EVERY day, and certainly don't have that much sex. Maybe we DO have a serious relationship now, but honestly, I never wanted to HAVE that type relationship, not with you, not with anyone. I wanted to avoid all that stupid ultra-dramatic crap, which is essentially all our interaction is nowadays. I wanted to have FUN. I'm only 19, fer christ sake's. I'm not looking to get fucked married or anything like that for a long time yet.

BILLY-Yeah, you "wanted to have FUN", that's why you fucked John after the Coheed show.

ANN-How many times? How many times? Oh god, we had only been "going out" for two weeks at the time. I've said that I'm sorry if your feelings were hurt by that, but really, it wasn't any of your business.

BILLY(extremely angry)-"NONE OF MY BUSINESS"? You are my fucking girlfriend and you slept with another guy, how is that NOT my business?

ANN(irritated)-Fuck, I wasn't really your "girlfriend" then and well, now? I dunno...

BILLY-What is THAT supposed to mean? Do you even care about me AT ALL?

ANN-What? You know I care about you. I totally love you, you're like my best friend in the world, ya know?

BILLY-NO, I'm not your "best friend", I'm your fucking BOYFRIEND, get that through your head, BOYFRIEND, boy-friend....

ANN-Eeehhh, look, at the end of the day, what it comes down to is, I LOVE you, but I'm not IN LOVE with you.

BILLY-FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU.... Do you have any fucking HEART at all?

ANN-Look, if you're gonna be like this, I'm just gonna leave.

BILLY-Oh please, you're not gonna leave, you're just scared that I am gonna leave you. Everyone in your fucking life, especially guys, have always just fucking LEFT you. Why? Because they could only tolerate your bullshit for so long. After a while, they couldn't take the constant emotional trama any more.

ANN-Blah, blah, blah....I like you so much better when you drink

BILLY-Shut up, just shut the fuck up. Look, I am the ONLY person EVER who really knows you and can really tolerate your bullshit. Sure you make me miserable, but like I was saying, I've always been miserable. You can label it some awful, low self esteem type compromise, but the fact is I want to be with you. That's right, I am giving up on being "happy", I just want to be with YOU.

ANN-Heh heh, that's sweet. Almost sounds like a song lyric or something... You KNOW I love you, right?

BILLY-Yeah, I know, but we need to deal with all these things, we need to talk about all this shit. Like I said, I think we mesh so well that we're gonna be together for a long time, and because of that, we need to make things work as well as we can.

ANN-Uhhhh, I guess so, but don't things work the best by NOT talking about them?

BILLY-Are you serious?

ANN-What? Who, me? When am I EVER serious?

BILLY-Eeehhhhhhh, anyway, "Family Guy" 's coming on now, we'll talk about this more later...


"Our Time To Try" by the Bondsmen starts playing as the opening credits role. When the song ends we cut to:

INTERIOR:DINGY, CROWDED BASEMENT SHOW, 15 by 25 foot room, smoke filled air, approx. 30 to 40 people there, small-ish most pit. Unfinished basement, concrete floor, concrete walls, exposed support beams overhead, seven foot ceiling. the room is lit by a single 100 watt light bulb. An unremarkable grind/screamo band plays in the far corner of the room while people chatter loudly over the music at the back of the room. Two of these people, Mark and Dave are half-heartedly watching the band. Dave's perhaps 24/25, visibly receding hairline, a good fifty pounds over weight, six foot one or so, loose-fitting light blue jeans and a winter/ski type jacket. Mark's about 21 or so, skinny, about 5'8, with tight dark blue jeans, navy chucks, a black New York Dolls t-shirt and a black hoodie over that.

MARK(cups his hand and yells into Dave's ear)-This bands sucks.

DAVE(head nod, yells back loudly)-Yeah, I think I'd agree with that acessment. I heard though that the singer cuts himself up onstage, all GG/Iggy like.

MARK-Hmmm, does he do that every show?

DAVE-Naw, I think it's just every once in a while.

MARK-Aaah, I see. You wanna go to 7-11 to get some beer?

DAVE-Yeah, that'd be good, as long as we get back in time for the Dirtbombs, I don't wanna miss them.

MARK-Yeah, well, that goes without saying.

They go to the door at the back of the room but are momentarily delayed as the the general pit area lurches in their direction and they're pinned against the wall for a few seconds.


Dave and Mark come out the back door and acsend the stairs. As they go up the stairs Mark exchanges a friendly head nod with another guy going down the stairs. They reach the top of the stairs. There's a crowd of 50 to 60 people all chatting in small-ish groups, as well as two vans parked there. Both Ann and Billy can be seen amungst the crowd in the back yard, although they are not in in the same group. Mark & Dave start to walk around to the front of the house.

MARK-So what was that band's name, anyway? They were terrib...

(interupting their conversation)-Hey guys? What's up?

MARK-Muuuu, nothing much, just going to get beer.

DAVE(to SHOW GOER)-How ya doin', man?

RANDOM SHOW GOER NUMBER ONE-Ehhh, nothing much, same old same old. You know how it is. Anyway, I wanna check out this band, see ya's later.


MARK-see ya

Random Show Goer Number One walks off

MARK-So what was I saying? Oh yeah, WHAT was the name of that band?

DAVE-Ummm, I forget, something like "The Infinite Weight of Being" or something like that. I dunno, something faggy.

MARK-Sounds about right, god, what shit.

DAVE-Yeah, I know, really, back when I first started going to shows here, SURE, the bands sucked, but at least like they were sucky pop-punk bands or something. Sure, you had to suffer through bad Screeching Weasel covers, but it was still better than THAT.

MARK-Ehhhh, I wouldn't consider Screeching Weasel an improvement over ANYthing.

DAVE-Hey, they covered the Stooges on that one record of theirs.

Random Show Goer #2 walks by

RANDOM SHOW GOER NUMBER TWO(interupting)-Hey guys.


Mark waves his hand as Random Show Goer walks off

DAVE-They did "Dirt".

MARK-Jesus, if yer gonna cover the Stooges, why in the fuck would a person cover "Dirt"?

DAVE-Yeah, I dunno. Their cover of it wasn't all that bad though.

Mark & Dave by this point have walked around to the front of the house and are on the sidewalk, slowly walking away from the house.

MARK-Ha ha, you used to listen to Screeching Weasel.

DAVE-Hey, we all have those dark, little skeletons our musical past. You shouldn't be talking, though, Mr. Primus. "Why, Winona's got herself a big, brown beaver..."

MARK-Fuck you, I was 14 at the time. I didn't know a good band from the hole in my ass at the time.

DAVE-Heh heh. But yeah, my musical taste wasn't THAT bad when I was younger. I was already digging on Teengenerate when I was about 16 or 17 or so.

MARK-Yeah, I think that's about when I started listening to them, maybe a little later, though 17/18.

As they walk off, they pass by Katie, who's walking towards the show. She's clad in tight, dark blue jeans, red chucks and a black hoodie with some indeterminate black t-shirt on under it.

DAVE-Hey Katie, what's going on?

KATIE-Nothing much

MARK-What's up?


Katie continues to walk towards the show. She gets to the house and walks around to the back, where she encounters xSteviex.

xSTEVIEx-Hey hey, woman, what's going on?

KATIE-Nothing much, same old crap. What 've you been up to?

xSTEVIEx-Ehhh, who cares? You just missed it though, Band Together Stands Apart just played.

KATIE-What the fuck, dude? Just because I'm straight edge it doesn't mean I like that metal shit. You know that. I came here from the Dirtbombs and the Dirtbombs alone.

xSTEVIEx-Seriously, you should count your blessings. Be glad this isn't a bigger town. If there were ANY more than two gay straight edge kids in this town, I SOOO wouldn't give you the time of day.

KATIE-Wow, I don't even CARE if you're being sarcastic or not. Have you seen Marie around here anywhere?

xSTEVIEx-Ah-ha, someone's got a crush.

KATIE(slightly annoyed)-When have I ever denied that I had a thing for Marie?

xSTEVIEx-I meeeean, you need to face facts, she's 7 years older than you. She's 25 and she's only bi.

KATIE-"Only bi"? What does THAT mean?

xSTEVIEx-Oh please, you know, all bi girls eventually end up with a dude in the long run.

KATIE-Hmmmm. There's exceptions to every rule and well, heh heh, Mare-mare is prolly one of the most exceptional people I've ever known.

xSTEVIEx-Yeah, you WISH you'd "known" her before; biblically, that is. Anyway, if you have such a high opinion of her, why don't you go and tell her. You may've never DENIED that you had a thing for her, but we all know that you've never actually gone and done anything about it.

KATIE-I can't help it, I'm shy and stuff. Aha ha ha. Besides, I don't know if she'd really go for a girl like me. Is she into fat chicks?

xSTEVIEx-Dude. yer not fat. Anyway, I don't really know WHAT type of person she's into. I remember back when I was 18 or so, she had this boyfriend that was like 28, so maybe she likes older dudes.

KATIE-Hmmmm, that doesn't bode well for me. SEE, this is why I'm so hesitant to hit on her. Also, I don't wanna come off as a creep.

xSTEVIEx-Oh fuck, are we just gonna stand here and talk about it or are you gonna go and talk to her?

KATIE-I dunno, I mean, I WANT to, but...

xSTEVIEx-Oh fuck you. I DARE you to talk to her. I officially DARE you. Come on you fucking coward, you fucking pussy. I know you can't do it, that's the only reason why I dared you, I wanted to make you look stupid. You are incapable of meeting this challenge.

KATIE-Ahhhh, you really know how to pull my strings. I've never been able to resist a well worded dare. Okay, I'll try, where's she at, again?

xSTEVIEx-I think she's somewhere's about the living room or kitchen. Or no, wait, she's in her bedroom making out with Ann because you pussy footed around too much, emphasis on "PUSSY".

KATIE-Yeah yeah, blah blah, I hear you. Okay, wish me luck.

xSTEVIEx-You don't need luck, you WILL win.

KATIE-What's with you and this alternately negative and supportive thing?

xSTEVIEx-Oh please, I'm always supportive, the negativity is just fun. I don't care what Mike Patton says, irony is alive and well.

KATIE-What are you talking about?

xSTEVIEx-Just go and "conquer" Marie and I'll go hit on some young impressionable hardcore kids.

KATIE-Alright, here I go.

Katie walks to the backdoor of the house and enters.


Two very loud, drunk people stand in line for the bathroom, the door of which stands a few feet from the back door. Katie squeezes by them with a little annoyance. She reaches the end of the hallway and enters the kitchen.


There's a good half dozen some people packed into the kitchen. Four sorority type looking girls and a guy in a baseball hat that looks somewhere in between a frat guy and pop punk dude. The sorority girls and the hat guy are all doing shots out of a handle of cheap vodka.

SORISTITUTE #1-Woooo, I'm so wasted!

HAT GUY-Aha ha, dude, yo, I'm seeing double!

SORISTITUTE #2(drunkenly whispering to Soristitute #3)-So then I went down on him and...

Katie squeezes through the kitchen as fast a possible with a disgusted look on her face. She exits before she hears the end of that sentence. She then enters the living room

INTERIOR-a large living room.

Several crappy couches line the walls. There are about 20 some people all engaged in conversations of some sort. Alone, standing close to the front door is Patrick

PATRICK(VOICE OVER)-Bored bored bored bored. Look at all these idiots, so wrapped up in their little hipster melodrama's. "Ouuuuu, I'm fucking so and so and I'm also fucking his best friend behind his back. Aren't I ever so naughty?" I hate these people. They're all just such a sad perversion of what punk was originally supposed to be about. Why do I even COME to these shows anymore? I come for the music, and ONLY that. A long time ago the sad conclusion dawned on me that ALL of the community aspects of punk are just bullshit. These people are the enemy just as much any frat-jock asshole out there. Hell, in some cases, they ARE actually frat boy, date rapist dickshits. How could I not hate them?

Patrick's eye wander over to a drunken hipster blatently hitting on a girl...

.......................TO BE CONTINUED.....................