Monday, July 11, 2005

The Kinda Boyfriend

Ahhhh, here's another nugget from the far flung past. It dates from September 2003 and is about the predominant dating trend amungst hipsters. I guess way back then I was JUST starting to notice these types of situations. Nowadays, it's every where, all the time. Point of fact, I can't even imagine a time in which this type of thing wasn't prevelent. Anyway, enjoy:
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OKAY, so lately there's been a new, disturbing trend on the rise. You're seeing it more and more lately, especially with the hipster types. I'm talking about the phenomenon known as the "kinda" boyfriend/girlfriend. You know what I'm talking about; you see the two of them together at shows and it's kind of unclear as to whether they're going out or are just friends. You saw them kissing once, but then you saw one of them making out with some other person one time. You ask their friends if they're an item and they reply, "Uhhhh, kinda, I dunno, you should ask them." THIS is what I mean by the "kinda boyfriend".

How has this new categorization developed? Well, as best as I can tell, it seems like in that type of situation, both sides have agreed that they are horrible at maintaining real relationships and would just fuck things up if they entered into something more clearly defined. They admit to being an emotional cripples, but yet, they still wanna get laid. They just want to take things really slowly(emotionally) and not apply labels to it all.

On the surface, this almost seems like a passable(if somewhat stupid) agreement, but when you get down to the meat of things, when you REALLY think about it, it's just fucking sad. Essentially, the "kinda" relationship is basically just a FORMALIZED unhealthy relationship. A "kinda girlfriend" is just a BAD girlfriend. The whole "kinda" tag just gives people liscense to cheat as much as they want and do all types of cruel, callous things to their not-quite-so-significant other. They engage in all the usual relationship type things, but you'll never hear the word "love" uttered by either of them. Unless of course they mean it in a platonic sense. "I love you like a brother, but I also fuck you. I'm not IN LOVE with you though.... Why are you crying?"

Yeah, that's the real stinger of things, a "kinda relationship" basically just functions like SO: One of the people in it is TOTALLY in love with the other, and the OTHER person doesn't give a shit about them and is just using them for sex until someone they are really interested in comes along. On whatever level, they know they are stringing the other along, usually with the hope that MAYBE, ONE DAY, they JUST MIGHT care deeply about them. That never happens though. The un-caring one doesn't even have enough respect for the other one to END things so they don't just continue getting hurt over and hurt again.

Essentially, the non-caring one in the relationship is the same as your old school, lying dude type that will profess to be in love with a girl and invent a completely fake personality just to get in a gals pants. The "kinda" relationship is a new lie for new times. Ya know, people have already caught on to that old deceptions and mind games, so they have to invent new ways to engage in unhealthy relationships. One side pretends they don't care and the other pretends like this weird and stupid social contact is something OTHER than them just playing on that person's low self-esteem.

Needless to say, if a guy or girl WON'T call themselves your boy/girlfriend and if they WON'T stop fucking other people, than you really shouldn't be embarking on ANY type of relationship with them for more than two or three weeks tops. The whole, "Well, IS he my boyfriend?" question is not one that should still be asked after you've been "kinda" going out for six months....

Have some fucking self-confidence, people... I know that in these years 99.999% of us are gonna engage in unhealthy relationships with persons of the opposite sex, but at LEAST try to not make that unhealthiness SOOOOOO fucking obvious. The "kinda boyfriend" is NOT a workable situation....it is sad and pathetic and the longer you DOOOO that shit, the more respect people lose for you. And hell, that type of stuff can actually make it more difficult for you to have a real, healthy relationship. Ya know, because people will see/hear about yer little arrangement and they will think, "What the hell is this weird shit going on with them? God damn, I wouldn't ever wanna date someone like that."

Moral of the Story:the "kinda girlfriend" KINDA really is a big, huge, heaping pile of total ass-shit..........
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