Tuesday, July 12, 2005

Jesus Christ, I'm like VInce Neil tonight, GIRLS GIRLS GIRLS

Fuck, I'll write some new stuff on here within the next few days. I've got a couple topics mind, and there's a couple about TV that I'll prolly write up as well. Anyway, more old stuff, once again, it directly relates to my life right now and the people and situations I describe in here are the exact same situations I'm going through right now. In fact, if this one particular girl I met a year ago read this, she would think I was directly talking about her.

Anyway, from March 2003:



God damn it, I'm bored. Okay, so the whole idea I'm presenting in this post is way conceptual, abstract, easy to make fun of and above all else, THEORETICAL.

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SECTION ONE
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Now, it's been said that your favorite band is your favorite band because they, more accurately than anyone else, SOUND like what the inside of your head sounds like. This does not mean that everyone has some song going in their head 24/7. It just means that the cracks and flaws in the music, the tone of the guitars, the frequency of the drum beats, it all appeals to your psyche, usually in ways which you aren't fully aware of. Ya know, like the Buzzcocks' guitar sound has that exact same anxiety-ridden edge that I myself have(although, they should be louder in the mix).

All in all, It's not really something that you can pin down, it's not something that can be easily or fully explained, it just IS. That is why we like music so much; that's why it's better than writing, or painting or whatever. It's more purely emotional than any other artform. It's nebulous, it's tricky. It's nothing rational, it's just all FEELING. Your favorite band is your favorite band because THAT is what the inside of your head sounds like. That music is damaged in the exact way that you are, that is why you like it.

As for me, the ultimate expression of the metaphorical "song in my head" is probably one of the better songs off of "New York Trash". Not Bad Brains though.....Ummm, I'd tell you a specific band, but I don't have the record around me right now. I was listening to it last week and a couple of the bands just had that "perfect" edge to them. I generally reconize it whenever I hear "it" a band. I dunno, it's like pre-hardcore punk rock right on the verge of becoming hardcore with a noticable Dolls/Stooges influence and a really catchy melody.

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SECTION TWO
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Now yesterday, as I was driving back from the show in Chapel Hill, I was listening to these old tapes that I had laying around the car. They were made literally years ago when my musical tastes were slighty different and they were supposed to encompas a wide variety of musical styles. They were meant for a long car trip and I wanted some stuff in there to cool me off. To put to sleep, even, if need be. These were not necessarily mix-tapes full of nothing but my favorite bands.

So, there were three of these two hour tapes in the car. On the way up, when a band that I did not like came on, I'd just take out the tape. On the way back though, I did not have a choice, because two of the three tapes were under records I had just bought and the interior light in the car was burned out. I didn't have any other choice than to listen to the one tape that was in the player.

As it turned out, fucking Discount was on that tape. When they came on, I thought about just turning the thing off, but I decided against it because I had only slept four hours the night before and I was semi-battling to stay awake. I was afraid I would fall asleep if there wasn't some kind of loud music playing. Keep in mind that it's about 3AM as I'm driving back.

At the Bellray's show earlier that night, I did fall alseep for like one second during an opening band. They have couches in the loft/balcony at Go! and that's where I parked myself for the truly shitty openers. That's also where all the hipster fucks who are "too cool" really watch the show sit at. You can though see the bands just fine from several vantage points in the balcony.

So Discount starts playing(their third LP, I believe) on the tape, and instead of intensely hating it, it appealed to me in SOME nature. I didn't like the music, I didn't like the style of the vocals, I didn't understand most of the lyrics, but in SOME way I DID "like" it.

I tried to figure out what exactly it's appeal was, but I coudn't suss it out. After a while, I just chalked it up to the thought that it probably was just playing on some subconscience aspect of my personality. But that conclusion was problematic as well because they were obviously affecting me in a way marked different from the manor in which I am usually affected by bands I like. Ya know, they were NOT a band I liked and they were engaging a different part of my personality than bands that I like.

Discount is, most certainly, NOT what the inside of my head sounds like. Sure, it's maybe about 50% the same as the inside of my head, it lives in the same neighbourhood, but that other fifty percent is completely opposite. I live right on the inskirts of that "neighbourhood" and Discount resides all the way over on the other inskirts. Eeeeeeeeh, that's a dumb metaphor. Ummm, imagine it as state lines. I live right on this side of the VA/NC border and Discount lives right on the VA side of the VA/WV border.

Anyway, so I once more tried to figure it out. Discount was 50% exactly the same as the inside of my head and 50% completely different, so WHY did it appeal to me as much as it did? Then I remembered some of the stuff from the personality types stuff I've read. I remembered that guys like me are generally attracted to women DIFFERENT from them(i.e.the "Every Kurt Cobain needs his Courtney Love" dichotomy.). I thought about that and I came to a realization.

I realized that Discount appealed to me not because it's what the inside of MY head sounded like but because it sounded like what the inside of MY GIRLFRIEND'S head sounds like. That is what my "perfect" mate's psyche sounds like. Or maybe not even "perfect", but still a girl that I could have a very meaningful relationship with.

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SECTION THREE
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See, I told you coming into things that this would be a very abstract, conceptual post. Sure, it's easy to make fun of, but damn-ed as it is, I still think there some fucking truth to it. Discount is the sound of the "extravert punk queen" that would complement my own "introvert punk rocker king" quite nicely.

Now, some would reduce this just to me wanting to fuck Alison, the singer of Discount. And sure, I would not be the first person to have a crush on her. The guy that does the online comic strip "Nothing Nice to say" has a huge thing for her(www.nothingnice.com), and in general, there are a lot of guys nursing a flame for her. Guys who were heartborken when she started calling herself "W" and formed the Kills, a two piece, blues-y thing with a drum machine.

You could say it was just a crush, but it just doesn't seem as dumb as all that. It just appeals to me in some odd way. Ya know, you ask someone why they are attracted to the people they are attracted to and the stupider, more shallow ones will say "Because they're hot". But I'm not talking about that type of simplistic, initial attraction, I'm talking about the type of people you have real relationships with. You are attracted to them because they appeal to your damaged psyche in just the perfect way.

An honest person can't fully explain why they are as attracted to their significant other as they are. Attraction is not a rational thing. "Why do you love him?" "I dunno, just do..." Some of it can be explained, you can apply dumb attributes to them: "I love him because he's so honest and sensitive, even though other people view him as a a cold-hearted liar." But really, attraction is nothing that you CHOOSE. You are attracted to the people that you are attracted to just BECAUSE, that's all you know. You don't KNOW why, you FEEL why.

"I am attracted to Betty because she insults me in the exact same way that my parents did. She speaks my language when so many other people don't. that's why I love her." You excuse the flaws of your partner while you don't excuse the flaws of others because your PARTNER'S flaws are what appeal to your own damage more than anything else.

But anyway, what I'm saying is Discount either sounds like the inside of my girlfriend's head OR the inside of the PERFECT girlfriend's head. But that's basically just the same thing, anyway. Theoretically, I guess I myself am "the perfect BOYfriend" to some poor, mentally troubled girl....

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So that's what I was thinking about on my drive back from Chapel Hill last night, there was a bunch of other stuff as well, but I'll save that for another time................