Wednesday, July 13, 2005

I Heart Fat Chicks, both then & now

From February 2003:

Okay, so I was just watching the rerun of Entertainment Tonight that comes on at 4AM. I was watching it for the ultra-disturbing Michael Jackson stuff, good god. Anyway, they also did a story on the Lane Bryant fashion show thingy. Now, for those of you that don't know(i.e.every guy reading this), Lane Bryant is a clothing store for so called "plus size" women. Now, 60% of the women in this country are size 14 or over, so needless to say, what "plus size" really means is NORMAL, AVERAGE SIZED WOMEN....

Now, they show clips from the fashion show itself and FUCK, none of those women looked "plus size" or "fat" at all. They all just looked really, really fucking hot. Then, they show Mia Tyler, daughter of Aerosmith's Steven Tyler and Liv Tyler's half-sister. Mia is SOOOOOO fucking hot, she looks like a non-anorexic version of Liz and mainly because of that, she's like literally twice as fucking hot. Then they show some interview footage with her and she grabs two hand fulls of her gut and says; "I love my gut, it's my best friend, I'm never getting rid of it." It was just so fucking HOT when she said that. I was so turned on.

God damn, I fucking dig "fat" chicks and there tain't a thing wrong with that. Some people would try and tell me I have some weird "fetish" because I dig the "plus size" girls, but it ain't a SICK thing, it's a fucking HEALTHY thing. I don't like little fucking twig girls. I like a woman with some meat on her bones. Like I said earlier, I like average sized women and it's just our sick culture that labels NORMAL women "fat".

There's just something that's so fucking HOT about fat chicks, I can't even describe it. It's like, you look at them and you KNOW they'd enjoy a good, wild, hot, sloppy FUCK. Down and dirty, that's how they like it....

And too, fat chicks just generally seem to be cooler than skinny chicks. I mean, of course, not all fat chicks are cool. We've all meant some truly evil bigger women, but generally, heavy girls are just cooler. The theory is that since it's a little harder for fat girls to get laid, they just can't get away with a lot of the crazy bullshit that skinny girls pull. They CAN'T play those same insane headgames, so they DON'T. In general, they're nicer, cooler and they definetly listen to better bands. Shit, EVERY single GREAT band that had female members had fat chicks in the band. Loli & The Chones, anybody?

And shit, it doesn't matter how skinny a girl gets, that doesn't make her sexy, what makes her fucking HOT is confidence. She should look however the fuck she looks and she should OWN that. She should scream out loud "This is how I look and I am amazingly hot and you wanna fuck me so bad that you can't see straight." That's what made Mia so hot, her god damned confidence.

Skinny, anoxeric twig girls just put forth weakness and insecurity, they say "I am so crazy I barely eat and I work out two hours a day EVERY day because this soceity is so crazy that it tells me I have to weight 25 pounds less than I naturally would." Plus size, fat, NORMAL girls say "This is how I look, this is the way nature made me, I'm perfectly healthy the way I am and you wanna fuck me."

People offer the arguement that it's this deep set animal thing, that people go for skinny girls because they have better genes. That's not true, they don't have better genes. If they can eat three whole meals a day and not retain an ounce of it, they'd die in a week out in the wild. It's the FAT girls who are gonna survive, because they can eat only one meal a day and STILL not lose an ounce......... Yes, "fat" people ARE genetically superior, so fuck anyone that says different. On a desert island, who's gonna last longer: Ally McBeal or, or, or.....Hey wait, ARE there any female "plus sized" celebrities?

Shit, maybe that's why it was so hot to see "fat" women on TV, because you NEVER SEE bigger girls on TV......

Anyway, I'm not writing in some kind of odd effort to "bag some plumpers", I'm just genuinely stating my opinion, I fucking dig fat chicks. That Mia Tyler is just so ungodly hot..............

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And from May of this year:

So a while ago, back home, I was hanging out with some friends and they were talking about this one girl. They were talking about how cool she was AND about how she just wasn't attractive at all. They didn't say it outright but it was obvious that they didn't find her attractive because she was fat. I heard them talk about this and I thought to myself, "Well, I guess it's my duty then to try hook up with her." I mean, as a fat guy, there is a very clear sense of obligation there. Ya know, its as if there's no choice and I just HAVE TO do it. Every time there's a girl of a certain girth there's automatically this pressure there. "Look, it's another one of your own kind, go for it. This is something you have no say in, you must do it."

I remember once, there was this girl I hung out with(and I do stress "ONCE"), and YEAH, she was fat, and the whole situation was just god-damned umcomfortable. She was so fucking lame. She was 26(I was 23 at the time), she still lived at home, still had a curfew, she wore sweatpants and liked Blur, for fuck's sake. What respectable american likes Blur in this day and age? I just hated her but there was this undeniable pressure there, I felt like I just HAD to hook up with her. I HAD to fuck her just because she was fat. No other reason, I didn't like her in the slightest. It was some weird kind of reverse discrimination. I would've been fucking her just because of her looks, her "bad" looks.

And I mean, don't get me wrong about any of this, physically, I like fat girls. I visit chubby girl porn sites as regularly as any other category. I dig 'em because there's more mystery there. Everyone's seen a million naked skinny girls, there's no surprises there. With the more fuller figured gals though, you don't know what the fuck yer gonna get, it's intriguing the places people store fat, heh heh...

Even beyond all that, the whole area of "looks" is fairly far down on the list of "Things that most attract me to a girl"(well, far down on the list for a GUY, at least). I appreciate crap such as sensitivity, intellegence, creavity and emotional stability way more than just a "nice ass and a good face". There've been plenty of girls who I've initually found unattractive physically who then became WAY fucking hot once I got to know them and see how awesome they were.

And I mean, in theory, a few times I've been able to overcome my OWN "bad looks" by being awesome enough. I've had plenty of intimacy with "hot" girls. Although, honestly, very rarely is there any PHYSICAL intimacy in that equation beyond like cuddling or whatever. Heh heh, at this point in my life I just wanna fucking scream every time a girl says to me, "Clint, I love you so much and you're so great and you're like my best friend and you understand me better than anyone, you know me better than I ever know myself........but I don't like you in that way." It's fucking annoying, there have been so many, and I mean SOOOOO many girls that I KNOW would've been my girlfriend if I just wasn't so ugly.

So yeah, fat asses are a beat down minority(heh heh), and I understand the plight of my fellow travelers, but I fucking balk at the notion that I HAVE TO fuck other fatties just BECAUSE they are fat. I need something more... politics just isn't enough. Being FAT isn't enough, I need something more to relate to, something more to be ATTRACTED to...

(note:I did NOT end up fucking that sweat pants girl I mentioned earlier... she DID though end up stalking me for the next six months or so...)