Tuesday, July 12, 2005

Ha ha, there's a reason why I call myself "The Jesus of Failure"

This is from two years ago and well, it still applies, it REALLY still applies. It's a nice encapsulation of that whole "can't get laid" angsty part of my personality....

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So, counting tonight, I've gotten rejected by five girls this week. There's nothing really notable about that, except all of them were the "you're not even a human being" type of blow off where they wouldn't even give a me phone number, not even a fake one.

So yeah, isn't it fun when yer held to standards vastily higher than 99% of the people you know? Isn't it fun when you you can actually LIVE UP to those standards but still not have it matter? Isn't it fun when you hear what OTHER people do to "get girls" and realize that what YOU do is far better, but it still doesn't work?

Take a show like "Sex & The City" for example; people hold up the witty, flirty, "just meeting you", conversational banter on that show as being some of the most clever shit one can say in those type of settings. On an average to good night, I can come with shit at LEAST as good as that. I can just BARELY manage to get my foot through the door with that type of stuff but then though, as soon as I bring up "so can I get your number", that same look alway comes over their face. It deosn't matter if I've been talking to them for five minutes or five months, the SECOND a girl suspects that I have the slightest "romantic" interest in them, it's just all over...

Like I said that one other time, at this point, it's happened well over 300 times now...... In fact, come to think of it, for me, an "evening out on the town" really isn't complete until I've gotten heartily and firmly rejected by some girl.....

And don't get me wrong, I don't care about the individual girls anymore, I probably won't even remember the face of the one from tonight(she said she had a boyfriend and then I asked what his name was and she couldn't think of it), each new rejection only registers with me emotionally because it just keeps happening and happening and happening...

It's almost starting to make me religious, because if there WAS some supreme conscieness, at least then I could rest comfortably knowing that god hated me with a fiery passion and that I was eternally damned to NEVER have a girlfriend...

Anyway, mark my words, at a large party sometime within the next six months, I'm gonna attempt to get rejected by 50 girls... I know I can do it...

And people wonder why I'm sometimes so hateful and negative and angry? Gee, why might that be? "I got married to my high school sweetheart, what about you, Clint?"..... "Ummmm, I just basically wasn't allowed to talk to girls in highschool, although I did hear the phrase, 'Wow, Clint, you're so nice, so much better than my boyfriend, I can come to you and tell you all my problems about him, you're so sensitive, so great.......but I only like you as a friend' more times than I'd ever care to hear."


Wow, I guess I really DO hate everything, go figure...
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What's even more annoying nowadays is that my banter has gotten even better, but it still doesn't matter(although I always do seem to at LEAST get numbers now). Yeah, I'm fully convinced, when I come up with a good line, it's some of the most orginal, novel, creative, witty flirt-age material EVER. An example of this would be a recent encounter with this girl who had just started hanging out again after a decent length-ed, self described "hermit spell". Now, this hermit girl, other than having low self esteem perhaps, is quite attractive. Her musical tastes are good-ish, she's KINDA shy, but nothing that pronounced, really. Also, she's really fucking hot(she's been accurately compared to a young Angelica Houston). Anyway, upon seeing her at a show recently, I realized that every loser guy in the bar was hitting on her. I thought to myself, "blood in the water". The sharks were circling around, all lining up to see who'd get the meal.

Now, in most of your usual "guy areas", I'm not all that competitive. I don't give a fuck about playing, much less WINNING any of your standard spectator sports. Even simplier stuff like board games and the like does little to stir my emulous side. It all just falls flat with me. An area in which I DO feel that tug though is with girls, I have this deep seated, stupid male compulsion that I MUST have the "best" girl in thats available in whatever situation. Ya know, I'd glady, viciously compete for a girl. And I decided to myself that night that YEAH, I'd throw my hat into the ring.

So what was the grand line I used on the aforementioned "Angie" girl? Whelp, I told her about the whole blood in the water thing, the sharks circling, all that crap. She thought it was funny but didn't think that all those guys were actually hitting on her, they were just being "friendly". Needless to say, nothing came from it, but I'm sure it was a lot more awesome than anything any other loser guy said to her that night..... oh well