Wednesday, July 13, 2005

The First Time I Ever Got Drunk

So I didn't start drinking until I was 23....Yes, you heard me right, twenty-three. Why is this? Because I have serious health problems and several doctors had advised me not to. Anyway, on September 7th, 2002 I threw caution to the wind and got drunk for the first time. The evening ended early that night and I was left awake, inebriated and bored. I then wrote this post on ye olde hometown message board. Heh heh, it became the first thread on that board that went over 100 posts and it understandibly pissed a lot of people off. I think the second part, where I unleash all the hate, was mainly just meant as bait to try and trick people into responding to the deal.....

Anyway, join me now for, "THE FIRST TIME CLINT EVER GOT DRUNK" in unedited form:

So, after a night of hard rockin', hard partying and hard fucking(I wish...although, there is still time for masturbation), I just got one question for you fuckrods: WHAT DO YOU BELIEVE IN?

Huh? Huh? What? What do you believe in? What are yer stances on whatver, what ideals do you subscribe to? HUH? HUH? What, in your mind is moral, ethical...WHAT WHAT WHAT???????????

I myself am some breed of uhhh post-"post anarchist" anarchist. Ya know, I've heard the good things all the post anarchists have had to say, and I've incorporated them into my "overall worldview", but STILL, STILL, I do indentify as an "anachist.

Ya know, I believe that ultimately, the best way for humanity to live would be in a non-hierarchal system, BUT, BUT right now, there's just WAY too much fucking mental illness for anarchism to work. Anarchism is about everyone functioning to their fullest capacity at all times, where as with mental illness, it's just all about DISFUNCTION.........

Ya see though, that's the problem with anarchism, it's just basically utopianism. It's saying the OBVIOUS thing that: "Things will be the best when everything's perfect". I mean, DUHHHH, of course everyone would be great if all was perfect, but the blatent problem with that way of thinking is that THINGS AREN'T PERFECT RIGHT NOW.......

I mean, mental illness is just running fucking crazy. Just look at the punk scene/ALL undergroundy musical based sub-cultures. Studies show that 95% of people that participate in these groups suffer from SOME kind of mental illness(note:If you're reading this and you think you're amung that "healthy" 5%, then you're NOT. Just because you're unaware of your emotional problems, it doesn't mean you don't have any. People that are GENUINLY healthy on an emotional level can more than easily admit that they are fucked up on whatever level. In a world where everyone has their own emotional weaknesses, the only ones that are TRULY strong are those that can ADMIT to their flaws.)

Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, if you're reading these words, then the odds are that you suffer from SOME brand of pronounced mental illness. Ya know, and you can waste your life/youth pretending to rebel against all the problems in the world. And don't get me wrong, the world's a steaming pile of SHIT, BUT for most people "rebelling", that rebellion just serves as a distraction for them, a form of entertainment to keep them occupied, to keep them from thinking about themselves and their own problems.

You want something to rebel against, rebel against youSELF, rebel against your own problems, your own shortcomings. Fight against your flaws.

Sure, one person CAN change the world, BUT, that one person has to be a charismatic GENUIS. They can't be held back by stupid anxieties and fears, they have to plow straight forward through all their own emotional bullshit.

You have to beat yourself before you can beat the world............

Anyway, so that's the type fo crap running through my head, Anarchism combined with a heaping helping of psychology and philosophy, all in a THROUGHLY(sp?) punk rock context..................

Also, I about as hardcore of an atheist as you can get. Although, I don't really like the label of "atheist". Ya know, when you use that label, there's shit applied to you that I don't want applied to me. I know atheists, and BOY, are they fuckholes.............

So yeah, I'm extremely "radical" politically, but really, I don't give a shit about most of that stuff and I don't really ever think about it that much.

I mean, politics, religion, in a perfect world, NONE of that shit would exist. It's all just BS and healthy people, that type of stuff doesn't really cross their mind all that much.

But anyway, there's a simplified version of what I(emphasis on "I") believe in, WHAT DO YOU BELIEVE IN?


I so bet that most of you are either too chickenshit or too stupid to actually reply to this with your real opinions. Either you're just a moron and don't really have any thoughts on ANYthing, OR you're too afraid to publisize your thoughts, you don't wanna put your real feelings up here because you're scared shitless that someone will tear you apart and reveal you as the idiot that you know you are..........

Lookit, this is why I keep on saying that I'm better then you, because I actually have the BALLS to SPEAK MY MIND. Something which most of you all don't have in the slightest. I mean, I have to insult you and piss you of just to get the SLIGHTEST amount of truth out of you.

You're liars, shams, fakes, frauds. You're playing the game and hoping to reap the rewards. You're conforming to some idiot ideal, thinking the "correct" thoughts, wearing the "correct" clothes, listening to the "correct" bands. Like I said, you are playing a GAME. That's why you hate someone like me so much, because I come along and I so easily poke holes in your bullshit. I reveal you to be the fools that you so obviously are. I show, time and time again, that you are NOT what you present yourself as. And I do it so painfully easily that it is ridiculous...........

And I do it all in an artful way, which just makes it that much better......

We're living in some shallow, soulless times. Well, no, things have ALWAYS been soulless, but NOW, that soullessness is applied to punk rock. Punk rock which used to be the only bastion of soulFULness.

So yeah, that's why I rebel agin most all of you emo/metal-core neu artificial fucks, because yer FAKE, shallow conformists that are destroying the only idealogically worthwhile asspect of punk.

I mean, there's five things that piss me off more then anything else:

1.Ignorant people
2.Ignorant people that don't wanna learn
3.People that pretend to be something they aren't
4.People that pretend to be like me, without having the slightest understanding of what it's actually like to be me, and
5.People who label all that they don't understand as "wrong" or "crazy"

And you asscocks fall into ALL of those categories, so it's no surprise that I don like most of you.........

It's funny, you have such high, grand images of yourselves, but the reality is, you're just these ultra-bigoted, super-conformist assholes. Ya know, yer like a watered-down version of Nazi's for fuck's sake. And you wonder why I don't get along with you..............

Of course though, I get along with girls way better then I get along with guys, that's a factor that definetly has to be taken into account. I'm probably some kind of weird reverse-sexist who doesn't like guys all that much. I understand guys too well, their motivations, their thoughts(or lack there of). With chicks though, there's a little bit more mystery there, I don't understand as completely as I do guys. And in some cases, I'm sure the whole "sexually attractive" thing blinds my eyes to the obvious idiocy of some chicks.

Also, I was way closer emotionally with my dad then my mom, so that has to mean SOMEthing(i.e.your average guy is "buddies" with his dad, but it's his mom who he shares REAL emotional intimacy with).

But anyway, I kinda drunk right now, so I'll shut up(note:I have serious health problems, and getting drunk is a big risk for me. Hopefully I ain't gonna get sick)..............................

One last thing though, this level of openess, this level of honesty, 95% of you are scared shitless of this type of thing. Label this post as "crazy" or "assholic" if you want, but you all know that deep down, NONE of you are capable of writing something this. You're cowards........................

PS-I didn't do any proofreading, so sorry if any of this came out garbled....