Sunday, May 20, 2007

So people still read this...

So my band, Rapid Adapter just put our first record

We've been compaired to: The Zymotics, The Reds, The Catholic Boys, The ADICTS(for some reason), The Minutemen, Redd Kross and host of others.

Order our our debut 7 inch at: and see if you can figure out what the fuck we sound like

It features such hits as:

"Hate Montage"
"Grow A Soul"
"Modern Neurotic"
"Proximity Mine"
plus many more

8 songs in total....

ACT NOW.....

BUT WAIT, there's even more!!!! For the first 500 orders, you will ALSO get a bonus 7 song CDR with your order!!!!

That's a total of 15 songs for a meesly 5.50 postage paid...

And it's super easy to order with Pay Pal


Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Explanations & Apologies Part 2:"Dude, your blog sucks"

Okey-dokey, so there's been a lot of negative responce to the JoF. Some people don't like the writing, some people don't like my vastly overdone promotional style. I said in an earlier post that I really just don't have the time to respond to individual complaints anymore. I said that I unless someone put together a coherent argument agin me that lasted at least three paragraphs(for example) that it just wasn't worth my time.

Needless to say, but people were too lazy to ever actually do that. They were content with reading my blogs and responding with two sentences every week or so, but it was just beyond them to put together something more substantial. I thought to myself, "Why do they put so much effort in in such small increments? Instead of writing half a dozen three sentence posts, why not just shoot your wad with one big one?"

I realized that if you stuck all those posts together, they actually WOULD equal a post of some substance. SOOOOOO, I did just that. What follows is an edited compilation of two dozen plus insults that have been hurled my way since this blog has started. I will present this all as one big chunk, and then afterwards I will respond to the claims made.


Dude, your blog sucks...

I tell ya, I love nothing more than reading puerile, bitter rants about the state of modern relationships. It must be nice not to have a job so that you can spend your time writing this inane, pointless drivel. Does your fat ass have anything else to do besides complain? I'm so glad you can be such a loser and still find something to do.

Post some more crap on how you can't get laid and how you
can't contain your rage towards those who are getting some action. Come on, complain some more about you reach some super emotional friend level with girls (aka, they would never want to fuck you)'s really original. Hopefuly, once you get laid you will find more interesting things to write about.

I bet you think your record collection is supposed to get you laid, too and it's only dumb bitches who don't fuck you because if it. Do something yourself and shut up. If it was your best friend or wife or something that is a dilemma, but wanting to be fucking Greil Marcus all the time because you figure you were anointed as such because of your "superior" musical taste, is retarded.

Is it nice to feel so self satisfied and accomplished, writing your boring shit and then spamming your hip blog links on so many message boards? I don't mind reading this shit occasionally, and I'm all for people who delve into bad fiction/non-fiction rants and want people to see it, BUT....we realized you had a blog the first time you posted about it. Constantly updating on message boards about how "controversial" the thing is is mearly bothering people with shameless self-promotion. God damn, can't you figure it out yet? It's not controversy when nobody gives a shit!

What a sad post from a sad, sad man it. It should be retitled "Please think I'm controversial." You clearly have a serious, serious martyr complex. You may trick a lot of people into clicking your links but there's a big difference between an "avid reader" and some well intented chap that attempts to read your pointless assdrip and then gives up five sentences in out of sheer boredom.


Yay, so there's the argument against me, and here's my responce:

"Dude, your blog sucks"

Seriously, over a thousand people a week read this blog. Whenever a new update gets put up, page views go through the fucking roof. Just the other day I got 650 some page views in 24 hours time. There are hundreds and hundreds of people reading this shit. This is a pretty surprising fact considering how new this blog is.

There are hundreds and hundreds of people reading it and there are under two dozen complaining about it. Do the math there. It's pretty clear that not EVERYone hates the blog, it's clear that not even MOST people dislike it. In fact, you're identifying yourself as part of a very small minority, less than 5%, by openly decrying my bullshit.

"I tell ya, I love nothing more than reading puerile, bitter rants about the state of modern relationships."

Yeah, my shit is really puerile. Especially when I talk about how unhealthy and immature so many of those "modern relationships" are. If this stuff was really that elementary and ill-formed, I'd be more whining about stuff like, "Oh god, why are things so crazy? I just don't understand why these things are happening to me? I can't figure out all these crazy, complex relationships." I am not saying that though, I am providing analysis and context and I'm doing a pretty damn good job of "figuring it all out". Paul Westerburg's lyrics to "Bastards of Young" THOSE were immature, but not my stuff. Or well, actually, YEAH, I AM immature, but in a relative sense, in the community, I actually AM prolly a little more mature than average. That's not saying much, though.

"It must be nice not to have a job so that you can spend your time writing this inane, pointless drivel."

I spend at least two dozen hours a week on this blog. That might not seem like a lot of "work" to people, but for someone disabled, a person who has been declared "Unable to maintain long term, meaningful employment", it's pretty damn good. And yeah, it's so sad that you would think it's "NICE" to have a metabolic disorder that is likely to kill you by your mid thirties.

Does your fat ass have anything else to do besides complain?"

Ahhh, here we start to see the first of the "fat guy" comments. Get this through your heads, idiots, just because I'm fat, it doesn't automatically mean my every effort in life is meaningless. In fact, quite the opposite, since so many people are so prejudiced against my kind, it forces us to be BETTER if we want to get any attention(I refer you to the fat chicks thread).

"I'm so glad you can be such a loser and still find something to do. Post some more crap on how you can't get laid and how you can't contain your rage towards those who are getting some action."

Not being able to get laid is one of the main, basic themes that every creative, artistic type talks about. I mean, come on, every single power-pop song is about not being able to get laid. This is just one of those type of things that people talk about. And look at it in the slightly broader sense; who DOESN'T talk about their disfunction in romantic area's? Expecting people to not talk getting laid, or the lack there of is just stupid.

"Come on, complain some more about you reach some super emotional friend level with girls (aka, they would never want to fuck you)'s really original."

Yeah, it's BAD for me talk about things that are true. It is so horrible that I'm much more likely to acheive emotional intimacy than physical intimacy with a woman. And as for being original, it IS more rare for a guy to be like that. Usually it's the other way around.

Hopefuly, once you get laid you will find more interesting things to write about."

Well, again, this relates to what I said above. I AM fat guy who can't get laid, BUT that doesn't mean my every thought and opinion is wholly without merit. Just because I'm not perfect, just because I'm not wholly free of bias, it doesn't invalidate the opinions I expouse. Learn a little about logical fallacy and you'll find out pretty quickly that NO ONE is without bias.

"I bet you think your record collection is supposed to get you laid, too and it's only dumb bitches who don't fuck you because if it."

Yeah, I don't get this one at all. I mean, I realized eons ago that my record collection is not a social asset. It will never, ever get me laid. Quite the opposite, in fact. A lot of girls will just see me as weird and obsessive for such things. Of course, they'll fall head over heels for dudes with serious drug problems, THAT type of weird & obsessive behavior is much more acceptable.

"Do something yourself and shut up. If it was your best friend or wife or something that is a dilemma, but wanting to be fucking Greil Marcus all the time because you figure you were anointed as such because of your "superior" musical taste, is retarded."

Huh? Of all the rock critc (archi-)types you could choose from, you went with Greil "The Most Boring Man In Rock" Marcus? Furthermore, when the hell do I even WRITE ABOUT music to begin with? This blog is more "cult of personality" type stuff mixed with poorly researched sociological observations. As I said in Part 1 of "Explanations & Apologies", my shit comes from more of a pro-wrestling/stand up comedy type angle.

"Is it nice to feel so self satisfied and accomplished; writing your boring shit and then spamming your 'hip' blog links on so many message boards?"

Ahhh, now here we're getting to the crux of the other half of the negative JoF blowback. A decent amount of people don't like the fact that I ever so annoyingly bombard all the usual(and some of the unusual) boards with posts every time I update this fucker. I might stop doing this, but honestly, I think it's funny that people get annoyed by it. I reconize that it's kinda ridiculous, but really all it speaks to is my enthusiam for the stuff I write on here. I really believe in this stuff and I want as many people as possible to read it. Also, AGAIN, the pro-wrestling influence: I find promotional overkill FUNNY. You prolly would to if you'd watched wrestling your whole life and had to hear the announcers talk about the upcoming PPV every five minutes(for example). I know there aren't too many people out there that seriously study pro-wrestling interviews, but it's extremely interesting. Knowing how to manipulate the emotions of a crowd is fascinating. Look into it.

Also, in reguards to the spam-blitz, the simple fact of the matter is that it's WORKING. Every time I put up promo's people come here in droves and read this shit. The posts on the Goner Board alone are worth about a hundred referrals in a day's time. People's attention spans are changing, developing and with all the options out there nowadays, you kinda DO have to be constantly shouting in people's faces so they don't forget.

Ya know, this is a fucking BLOG, people barely, barely read these things. They read Agony Shorthand and a couple others, but for the most part they don't regularly keep up with a lot of blogs, maybe a dozen at most. Someone pointed out some where that "Yeah, everyone has a blog now, what's the big deal with yours?" The big deal is that mine is actually getting READ in large numbers and it's annoying people. That's great and it's way more than your stupid blog ever did. It's kind of even a joke that I keep on refering to it as a "blog" because it's definetly something different/more than that.

"I don't mind reading this shit occasionally,"

Yeah, that's another facit of the JoF that annoys people, somehow I've managed to build up this aura, pretty quickly, that EVERYone EVERYwhere has to read every single, little thing I post on here. They resent the fact that the blog is being pushed on them so hardcore. It's like they don't even have a choice as to whether they read it or not.

I also should note that it's pretty funny that most of the people I am annoying ever so much are the exact same people that take pride in their OWN ability to be dipshits on message boards. Why don't they reconize and greet their fellow traveler with open arms? If all I am is "just another message board asshole(MBA)", why are my efforts so poorly received by that crowd?

I think its because even though I came from that whole milleiu, I've actually OUTGROWN it. I still kinda do that type of stuff, but now it's really much more of a complicated thing. I've found some weird, small niche where I can piss off both the "normal" people AND the asshole crowd. A lot of people's knee jerk reaction is to just label me a straight MBA, but there's layers to the whole thing. First of all, there IS the initial, annoying MBA type character, but THEN, there's the whole sub-level of me BREAKING CHARACTER and going into painstaking detail explaining my actions and motivations. That's what this whole entry is, it's just another part of "the character", a character that's much more complex and way more successful at drawling attention than your average MBA is.

Ultimately, other message board assholes don't like me because I'm just fucking BETTER at this then they are. I'm so good at it, it's like I'm off in my own little world. YEAH, I've said it before, I know it's all pompous and arrogant and pretentious... That's PART OF THE CHARACTER, part of joke. I take a certain degree of my own genuine thoughts and opinions and then I cover them in bullshit.

"and I'm all for people who delve into bad fiction/non-fiction rants and want people to see it, BUT....we realized you had a blog the first time you posted about it. Constantly updating on message boards about how "controversial" the thing is is mearly bothering people with shameless self-promotion.

Yeah, that's obviously what it is, shameless self-promotion. And I was the FIRST person to make joke about it. I KNOW ABOUT IT, and it's developed into a nice little add-on to drawl attention to things. Fuck, you should've never let on that I was annoying you, because now that I've sensed a weakness, I'm going after it full force. Like I said, I'm way better than you at this.

"God damn, can't you figure it out yet? It's not controversy when nobody gives a shit!"

Oh please, that controversy entry very clearly outlined over ten posts that really fucking irked people. People were calling for blood over that shit. I nearly got beat up more than once. You yourself might not care about it, but that doesn't mean there weren't a good couple dozen some people that all worked up about it at the time it happened.

And ya know, I have more than successfully argued my point with all of this. Learn a little about the rules of debate, that one sentence of yours is not a proper responce to three pages worth of commentary.

Furthermore, another talent of mine is creating a ruckass, creating "controversy" over absolutely fucking NOTHING. My whole life I've had this odd ability to bring out the worst in people, get them all worked up over the most pointless cockscum EVER. It's funny...

"Get over your Andy Kaufman fixation."

Again, Kaufman used to be a big influencing factor, but I've long since moved on. The most notable difference is that he was renound for NEVER, EVER breaking character, while I, on the other hand, break character as much as possible.

"What a sad post from a sad, sad man it. It should be retitled "Please think I'm controversial."

Again, I could point you to at least two dozen some people that will testify to my own former/present controversiality(whether it be ironic or genuine).

It should also be noted that my constant invoking of "controversy" can be seen as just another fascit(sp?) of the mad, over-blown self-promotional bullshit. Clearly, there's a good amount of exaggeration in the stuff I write. I'm aware of that. So many people point to so many things in my writing and claim that, "OHHHH, this is the reason why he sucks, because of this part." But the cold, hard turth of it all is that I'm usually more than aware of those annoying parts and I consciously put them in there because I think they're funny.

"You clearly have a serious, serious martyr complex."

Wow, what a stunning, brilliant insight into my character. I have "JESUS" in my name and you call me a martyr. How did you EVER connect the dots with that one?

"You may trick a lot of people into clicking your links but there's a big difference between an 'avid reader' and some well intented chap that attempts to read your inane drivel and gives up after three sentences because of pure boredom."

Yeah, but those same people keep on coming back, again and again. Why? Because they're stupid and I keep on tricking them into reading this stuff.... HA HA..... fuck you

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

"The Jesus of Failure"? More like "The King of All Assholes".

So a few weeks ago, some one on The Goner Board made a comment about how my shit just isn't controversial. This is just a dumb statement; of course there's controversy. Sometimes that's ALL there is. I mean, back home, I was hated for YEARS for saying some of this shit.

At this point in time I prolly qualify as a "post-asshole", but I still offend people right & left. Sure, it's not on some simplistic, knee-jerk level anymore, but that whole slant is still quite pressent in almost everything I lay down. Much like the nihilistic Wonder Showzen , I pride myself on being to alienate EVERYone EVERYwhere. Take no prisoners, win no allies. I just simply REFUSE to tow anyone's personal line of bullshit, including my own.

With that in mind, here is a guide to some of the most controversial pieces I've written. With each of these, I've both gained and lost friends. I've created enemies that I've then won over just to alienate again(and so on)...


This one alienated people, SPECIFIC people, on a couple different levels. First of all, a few girls thought I was talking directly about them in the part where I say, "It's annoying though, just recently I've realized that all my best writing spurts have really just been spurred on by whatever girl I was having melodrama with at that very moment." They got even more angry when I explained that I was just using that as a device to lend a dramatic undercurrent to things. I've admitted plenty of times that there's a certain amount of lies and bullshit in the stuff I write. Everybody does it, it's never 100% true. Also, that specific "Frankie" girl I mention read all of that stuff and well, I can understand why she hates me.

People told me to fuck off for this one as well when I first wrote it. About four people thought I was specifically talking about them, but really it was more about a pretty broad social trend that I'd witnessed a lot of at the time.

The Kinda Boyfriend spiel chessed off a decent number of people as well; people that were IN those exact type of interactions. "
Essentially, the 'kinda' relationship is basically just a FORMALIZED unhealthy relationship. A 'kinda girlfriend' is just a BAD girlfriend."

That same group of people were equally angered by the Semi-Ex post as well, because it dealt with the same type of stuff. "
It's like they tell themselves, 'Oh, I put so much effort into getting close with this person, and it's so hard for me to connect to someone else, so now even though things have gone sour, I need to maintain this relationship.' Now, this is ALMOST a good idea, but the thing IS, when you BREAK actually have to BREAK UP. You can't go from being a couple and being in love to being 'just friends' within the course of a few days."

The first time I ever got drunk rant inspired over a 100 posts of Clint hate. I deserved it...

More recently, I'm sure I lost more than a few my space buddys when I put up the Top 10 Sins of Rip Off thing. It might seem harsh to some, but it's the truth. I love Greg, it's just sad that he's not a major, influencing part of the community anymore. Don't give up on the rock'n'roll.

Even though I explain my reasons for talking about TV in this post there were still a number of people who gave me shit for writing about such "mainstream" stuff. "
comedy is a different beast than music. There are hundreds upon thousands of bands and it's just natural to narrow things down into a specific sub-group and concentrate on that. With comedy though, maybe one 20th the amount of people are involved in creating this stuff. The fraternity of gifted comedy writers is a small, small group."

Here's one of the few instances on this blog of me directly replying to someone that I'd pissed off: click here

Almost all of the Rip Off columns stirred up a lot of shit, but this one was definetly the worst. It's pretty much the clearest example of me being a total douchebag. I definetly lost some friends over this one, but I think I won 'em all back later, hard to say...

People also had trouble with THE NEW HATE . See if you can find the part that made them mad. Heh heh, I know FOR CERTAIN that I permanently fucked up some friendships over that one. Oh well....

The line about "heat seeking missiles locked on on the path of pure mediocrity" really got under people's skin in this post . But hey, fuck 'em if they can't take a joke...

God damn, there really are a lot of these. I'm starting to understand why people can't stand my guts, heh heh. Anyway, one of the biggest shit storms I ever stirred up was over my rejected Blank Gen column . It's prolly one of the mainer reasons that I was not asked to be a part of Terminal Boredom(that's a joke there, in case any one missed it).

Well over 200 people on various different message board chimed in with how much they hated the telling friends their band sucks thing. I actually even got confronted about it a lot in real life as well. I think I was forced to tell like half a dozen friends what I ACTUALLY thought of their shitty bands... Fuck 'em if they can't take some simple, mean spirited criticism.

ANYWAY, I think that's enough for now..... See ya later, douchebags

Monday, August 22, 2005

Sam Seder:Too Good For TV...

Yay, look at me, ma, I'm actually posting pictures on here. Anyway, today we've got another entry about undeservingly obscure TV writers. Sam Seder is a duder that definetly deserves to be on the master list there of. He takes a back seat only to the aforementioned Judd Apatow in said category. Seder has been responsible for great show after great show; numerous promising pilots that never got picked up.

The foremost of these is of course the Pilot Season mini-series which aired on the Trio network. Pilot Season was a sequel to Who's the Caboose, an independant film about a pair of romantically intertwined actor/comedians who move out to LA from NYC to try and make it in TV.

The parallels between the project and Seder's own life are numerous. Much like the characters in his film, he sputtered a bit trying to find some solid footing in Hollywood. His 2001 police comedy Beat Cops went no where, even after Conan O'Brien stepped in and helped get the pilot get reshot and aired on Fox. In 2003 he directed the mostly forgotten I'm With Busey for Comedy Central. The show lasted a season and was decent to good. It perhaps deserves a place in the pantheon for exposing the fact that Busey's a nutball(something which VH1 is trying to capitalize on with their current season of Celebrity Fit-Club). Also, I think most casual fans of I'm With Busey never quite realized that the show was scripted.

In 2002, Seder did a voice in Saddle Rash, a flash animated show that once again was very good, but went NO WHERE. He also does some voice work on the Adult Swim show Home Movies, which also features the talents of H. Jon Benjamin who played a major role in both Caboose & Pilot Season.

Finally, in 2004, Seder found some more solid footing when he joined Janeane Garofalo as the co-host of The Majority Report on Air America radio. Some would see radio as a definite step down from TV work, but whatever, a paycheck is a paycheck. Also, very recently, he did the voice of the bug on the Patience episode of Wonder Showzen(fuck that bug). Some might also remember him as the New Yorker Comedy Writer boyfriend from the episodes of Sex & The City where they were in LA.

Seder is yet another talented, overlooked creative force in Hollywood, let's just all hope he can keep a steady job.....


ANYWAY, for those of you that like these TV posts and don't wanna sift through the bullshit, here are links all the comedy writing stuff on here:

Justification & Wonder Showzen

Mike Reiss

Bill Odenkirk

Judd Apatow

Drawn Together



Real World

MORE Real World

Security, Colorado

Thursday, August 11, 2005

Putting it all into proper context....

Okay, so now that all of my old Blank Gen and Rip Off columns are on here, I thought I'd put them all into chronological order, so's they can be read in the proper context.

Okay, here we go:

Part 1.Hustler Chic

Part 2.The Zero's

Part 3.The 90's

Part 4.Comic Book Dorks

Part 5.The Can't Get Laid Manifesto

Part 6.Roanoke Crusty Riot

Part 7.MANIFESTO Manifesto

Part 8.Chicks in Bands

Part 9.History of Stupidty

Part 10.Engagement

Part 11.First Rip Off Column

Part 12.Best Foot Forward Theory

Part13.Mission Statement

Part 14.Slanging The Tude

Part 15.Don't Have Kids

Part 16.Mediocrity is the Enemy

Part 17.Time Makes Fools of Us All

Part 18.Nerd Genocide

Part 19.The End of the End

Nerd Genocide

Another old Rip Off column, this one is from June of 2002. And hey, it has pictures... Yay

"Now is the Age of the Nerd"

-by Clint R. Parson(the "R" stands for "completely misundeRstood")

Wow, I actually have records to review this month. Sure, I only have six things to review and SURE, four of those are reissues, but whatever, it's better then nothing.. As for next month, I think I might just phase out the reviews altogether. Anyway, let's get into the criticing-ful-ness:

Heart Attack-"The Last War 1980-84"

Okay, now remember the linear notes of that one Killed By Death where the dude says that Heart Attack only ever had one good song? Well, yeah, he was right. Not that most of this disc is horrible or anything, but they definetly were not a "GREAT" band. For those of you unfamiliar, this is the band that D-Generation's Jesse Malin started up in the early eighties. Soundwise, it's early eighties, pre-hardcore punk rock, like a lesser Undead, that turns into early 80's hardcore, as the disc progresses. The first five tracks are from their first demo, which was recorded when Malin was a tender twelve years old. Definetly the best punk rock songs ever recorded by pre=teens. At the end of the day, the whole disc is a little better then mediocre, but not by much. There's a song or two about nazi's and Hilter, so that's always a plus. Get it if you really love "God is Dead".(Broken Rekids: POB 460402, San Francisco, CA 94145=0402,

Speedealer-"Second Sight"

Remember when Speedealer was "REO Speedealer" and they sounded like Zeke? Remember when you still liked Zeke? Do you remember 1998? Boy, those were the days. Er well, no they weren't. But anyway, on Speedealer's lastest offering, their fourth full length, we find the lads drinking even more deeply from the metal fountain. Even worse, this record was produced by ex-Metallica bass player, Jason Newsted, and sounds, not unlike frickin' Metallica. Why did I even buy this? The perfect companion piece to the new Nashville Pussy record. Also, this was released by "Palm Pictures", which I suspect to be a front for some major label.(Palm:601 W. 26th Street,11th Floor, New York, NY 10001,

Rocket From the Tombs-"the Day the Earth Met..."

Aaaaaah, finally a record I can fully stand behind. Yes, boys and girls, this is the reason I hate Rocket From the CRYPT. I shouldn't even really need to write anything here about this record, just go fucking BUY it already. The Tombs were a proto-punk band from Cleveland in the mid-70's, and they contained members of both the Dead Boys and Pere Ubu. There's about five Dead Boys songs on here, three Ubu diddies, and TWO, count 'em, two Stooges' covers. Some people wonder how members of bands as different as Ubu and the Dead Boys could've co-existed in the same group. Buy this disc and you won't be wondering anymore. As denoted by their choice of cover material, there is a heavy, heavy Stooges influence throughout this whole disc. Just fucking BUT IT, douche-flower. I give this disc the highest possible recommendation I can(Smog Veil:774 Mays #10-454, Incline Village, NV 89451, )

Various Artists-"Cleveland Confidential"

Whelp, from one Cleveland record to another. This CD is a reissue of both the "Cleveland Confidential" LP from the early 80's and the EP of the same title from a year or two earlier. Stand out tracks include of COURSE, the Pagans, Keith Matic, John Lovesin, the Offbeats, The Clocks and many others. The Severe song on here "Her Name Was Jane", is killer and later was covered by the Pagans. The Menthol Wars, "Even Lower Manhattan" contribution is a totally rockin' new wave-y number sounding not unlike Devo or the Cars. There are a few real clunkers on this disc, but at least a good two thirds of the stuff is totally top notch stuff ranging from punk rock to power pop. There's also an "okay" Defnics' song on here, a band which I believe Smog Veil up there recently reissued. Linear notes are supplied by the legendary Mike Hudson of the aforementioned Pagans. (Overground Records: PO Box 1NW, Newcastle Upon Tyne, NE99 INW,

The Makers-"Strangest Parade"

Hmmmm, decent soulful mid-70's Bowie rip, coupled with some odd "musicial interludes" between songs. Decent for what it is and...... Wait.... the MAKERS?...... couldn't.....COULD it?.....Is this the same(dot dot dot)is this the same band that were peers with Teengenerate? Is this the same band that put out that middle finger record? Fuck, is this the same band that had a god damn RIP OFF single? Holy fuck....I think it IS, this is the god damn MAKERS. How can this be? When did they turn into THIS? My god, last time I looked they were all mods, but now they look like, well, fucking BOWIE from the mid seventies. What in the fuck? Why trade obscure greatness for slightly less obscure medioctrity? I guess time really DOES make fools of us all. Compromise must be fun.(Sub Pop: PO Box 20645, Seattle, WA 96102, )

Various Artists-"Guillotined at the Hanger:Shielded By Death Volume 2"

Okay, what we got here is a comp of eastern Connecticut and western Massachusetts punk bands from '79 to '83. A lot of good stuff on here, from the likes semi-60's styled M-80's, to the more hardcore Outpatients and Chronic Disorder. The October Days provide a competent Wipers rip off. The Not Quite give us the hilarious(albeit, muddy) "Satan's Elves". Other good tracks are provided by the Vandelz, The Sterics. Dennis Most of the Instigators and the October Days.(Dionysus: PO Box 1975, Burbank, CA 91507, )

Okay, now having said THAT, let's get into the meat of this fucker.

As I'm sure everyone's noticed lately, people just can't seem to fucking shut up about the new god damned Star Wars movie. The second pre-quel to a trilogy of movie's that contained characters as complex as yer average animated Disney flick. People are quick to point out that both Episodes One and Two SUCK, but what they have a little more trouble admitting that even the originals were bullshit to begin with. Do you remember all those years there that the Star Wars movie's were UNCOOL, all those years where the only Star Wars fans were socially maladjusted, potential serial killer nerd types? Yeah, for a good long time there, Star Wars was seriously uncool, or even forgotten about. Just like Alf and Mr. T, up until recent like, people just didn't give a FUCK about the force.

Star Wars though isn't the only "nerd fodder" lately though that has received MAJOR attention from the mainstream. Need I even point out the 114 MILLION bucks "Spiderman" made in it's first weekend of release? "Spiderman" was a movie that just recycled 35 year old comic book storylines, and passed them off as something new. I laughed when people were surprised that Uncle Ben got shot by the robber. It was ridiculous. The "nu nerd" trend doesn't end there either. Even older then the Spiderman storylines is the hundred some year old "Lord of the Rings" trilogy, the all time nerd holy grail, which was also recently adapted into a film(like I need to tell you that).

All three movies, "Spiderman", Episode Two and "Lord of the Rings", made considerable amounts of cash. They were all MAINSTREAM hits, they were accepted by MAINSTREAM, "normal" audiences. These three separate francishes that used to be the EPITOMY of nerdhood are now "what's in", what's COOL. I remember a time when a person could get beaten UP for admitting they liked ANY of those three, especially so "Lord of the Rings". Yeah, I remember all of that, but times have changed.

Yes, we are now truly living in THE AGE OF THE NERD.

Cower in fear, mother fuckers, because the geek jihad has come to kill us all. We must do all we can to resist them, we can NOT give in to the evil dork militia. We must STOP reading books, we must turn OFF the History Channel, we HAVE TO stop paying attention to the things going on around us. Yeah, because now that nerds have gained mainstream acceptance, they are no longer cool. We have to do everything we can to distance ourselves from them. The only power that Poindexter's ever HAD came comPLETELY from mainstream society's rejection of them. Why did they get higher grades on the tests? Why did they do their homework? Was it because they were SMARTER then everyone else? Was it because they LIKED "knowledge", because they LIKED to learn? No, it was because they were social retards, and they had no friends. Plain and simple, they had no friends and they were bored, they had ample amounts of free time, and WITH all that time, well, they DID their homework, they STUDIED for the tests. They didn't study because they liked to, they just did it because they were so fucking BORED, they were so fucking LONELY and they wanted/NEEDED anything they could find to take their minds off their own loserhood. So yeah, of course they picked up books, of COURSE they answered the extra credit questions.

That's what they derived their self worth from, they weren't good people, they sucked at social interaction, so instead, they placed value on good grades and pleasing the teacher and stuff like that. Nerds resented the normal, well adjusted kids, they hated their ability to easily make friends, so, slowly, over the years, they built up a cruel system of lies and distortions that made THEM the superior ones. THEY were the ones better then the emotional healthy, sane people. And that arrogance, that very basic desire to be BETTER then everyone else, that drove them, that MADE think harder, work longer, do whatever was necessary to prove to EVERYone just how much better they were then everyone else.

As I said, all the power nerds ever had came from the fact that they were social REJECTS. Now though, that nerd-dom is popular, all true nerds are going to wither on the vine and DIE. Now that nerds are thrust into the mainstream, they can no longer stick to their old tricks, they can't talk about science and nature and that type of shit. Now that "cool" people are talking to them, they actually have to talk BACK them, they have to enguage in meaningful social discourse with people. THIS is what will prove to be the undoing of nerdkind. Remember, the main thing that made them nerds in the first place was their poor social skills. In the past, geeks were segregated, they only interacted with other nerds. Together with their brothers, they formed their own new societies that DIDN'T require them to have stellar social skills. They formed these new societies and were somewhat comfortable in them.

That nerd culture that they built, that geek society which was the only thing keeping them alive, it's been sold out to the mainstream. It was freezing outside and all dorks moved into "Geek Manor". But now though, Geek Manor has been sold, and they no longer have anywhere to live. They're in the cold, they're freezing, they're dying, what are they gonna do now? Well, I'll TELL you what they're gonna do now, their serial killer-ish tendancies, tendancies that have been there since day one, those behaviors are gonna emerge FULL FORCE. Now that nerds don't have a home any more, they're gonna get even crazier, they're gonna turn on the rest of the human race, they're gonna turn on the people that rejected them and KILL US ALL.

Faced with this certainly, what are sane people, "the norms", supposed to do? Do we just casually sit back and let them slaughter us all? No, this is an age of proactivity, not REactivity, we must beat them to the punch. If they are gonna come kill us, the only choice we have is to go out and kill THEM before they kill us. Yeah, we have to organize ourselves into groups, a kind of a 21st century posse. We must join together and hunt down the nerds, we've got to round them all up and slaughter them in one single, mass blood bath. It's the only choice, it's either us or them. Ultimately, the nerds will be better off dead anyway, we all know how sad and pathetic and unhappy their lives our. By killing them, we will be doing both ourselves AND them a favor. Fuck, most of them would probably just kill themselves anyways, if they weren't such pussy's.

Long story short:Nerd Genocide NOW, ask me how(exlcamation point)

PS.One thing though, does this mean I'M gonna be killed to? Because if all nerds are killed, then.......Hmmmmmmm......

Slanging the Tude

Hmmmm, I forget if this was ever posted on here or not, but heres my THIRD Rip column. It's a pretty huge load of bullshit. But hey, that was the persona at the time. The Rip Off ones were supposed to be "evil" while the Blank Gen ones were more noble minded. The conflict between these two writing personas was solved when I just merged 'em both together into the "awesome but sucky" JoF dealie...

From March 2002:

Slangin' the 'Tude'

by Clint R. Parson(the "R" stands for "rock'n'roll")

Okay, so apparently you douche-tards weren't paying attention to my column two weeks ago when I told you to send me free records to review. Come on, people, send me crap. Big Neck, send me stuff, it'll probably get a good review, R'N'R Blitzkreig, you to, In the Red, Dirtnap, Repent, Goner, Alien Snatch, ALL you need to send in stuff, I'll probably say nice things. Other labels, such as yer Estrus's and Empty's and Sympathy's, I dunno, I ain't makin' any promises to you folk. If you send me the couple good records you put out, obviously THOSE'll get a good review, but if ya send me the fucking over long, over wanked PABLUM that is your bread and butter, then I ain't gonna be kind. As for individual bands, whoever you are, feel free to send stuff in. Be warned though that I'll take ya out at the knees if you send in some crappy CD demo that sounds exactly like every other poorly performed, poorly recorded demo that ALL of us have heard a million times before.

The address is still:
Clint Parson
Blacksburg, VA 24060-5116

Having said that, let's get into the meat of this fucker. Now, in that whole big, long, pointless "generation mindfuck" rant the other week, I did some basic outline-age of things that one needs to well, manipulate people. Ya know, how to present an image and blah, blah and all that crap. One thing that I didn't really talk about in depth though was that in order to sell anyone on ANYthing, you have to be able to talk the talk. If you cannae "walk the walk" so good, it doesn't matter, as long as you can TALK a good game, people will buy your bullshit. In order to be an effective manipulator/motivator/con man you HAVE TO be able to slang the tude. The attitude, you have to be knowledgable about it, you have to wield it like some kind of sword or something that you could potentially use to kill people and stuff.

As with everything, to become a 'tude slangin' expert, you have to PRACTICE. That's where the internet comes in. Ne'er before has there existed meduim better suited to 'tude slangin'. On the internet you can say whatever you want to whoever you want and the chances of ANY kind of real reprisal are exTREMELY low. I know I myself have said SEVERAL things over the internet that would've resulted in a fight or perhaps even a riot if I had said them in real life. It's a training ground, a practice space that is completely necessary and integral to one fully mastering 'tude slang-age.

How does one get started with the tude slang-age, you might ask? Whelp, find yourself a message board somewhere, preferrably for a band or some label or something. It's best if it's for a local band or some kind of scene message board. Next, target a local band, say they suck, whatever, it doesn't really matter WHAT you say, as long as you get a reaction from them. Most bands, especially small, local bands are VERY insecure about their own musical ability/merit and it's just so easy to get a good emotional reaction out of them by saying they suck. Fer instance, I just recently dissed a local band who seems to think it's okay to play sets of only six songs. My critisizm of them went as such; "Ya know, REAL bands have sets longer then six songs." When dissing a local band, one should ALways be sure to say that they aren't a "real" band. By far and large, most "local" bands AREN'T real bands and will probably only last nine months anyways and put out one crappy CD demo. By SAYING that a band isn't a "real" band, you are showing that you are aware of that general local band trend and that SAID band is a PART of that trend.

It's all about generalizations and stereotypes. You have to learn all of these and then just APPLY them to whoever you're insulting. People will REACT emotionally to these stereotypes because, OBVIOUSLY most people ARE just cliches and stereotypes. That why they're CALLED "general"-izations, because that's what people GENERALLY do, that's how they GENERALly react in situations. And in the case of local bands, most of them don't last long, most of them only record one crappy CD demo before passing quickly into the night and most of them will have stopped playing music and have turned into their parents within the next five to ten years. While you and I are busy rockin' out to whoEVER in 2011, they'll be busy trying to sell us insurance.

Most "punks" don't last very long. Generally, they're punk from about 15 to 18, then a lot of them turn emo and by the time they're 24 or so, they don't really listen to all that much music anymore. Hardcore kids, they REALLY don't last very long, they almost instantly go either emo or metal. In some towns, the pop punk kids go rock'n'roll instead of emo, but that's a rarity. Most of the time, it's pop punk to emo to indie rock to NOTHING by their mid-twenties. They'll generally stop coming to shows somewhere around 22 or 23 or so(sometimes even earlier) and the "punk-ness", the "fire" within them will slowly fade away.

Anyway, when insulting idiots, bring all of this up. Make comments about how you'll be buying insurance from them within a few years or how they'll all have given up on rock'n'roll and 'll be busy with their computer/marketing/accounting jobs. I've said all of this to countless people and it ALWAYS invokes a great reaction.

You need to make a point of identifying cliches and trends and stereotypes. At shows, watch people, observe them, generally, the show isn't all that good anyway, so you NEED some kind of entertainment for the night. See what they do, see how they interact with each other. Soak it all in, you need to know as much about people as possible if you want to really effectively insult them.
Also, as I said before, most people are insecure about their intellegence level, it's always a safe bet to insult them on that level. The more "idiots" and "morons" and "retardo-fucks" you use, the better. Despite the fact that it's so easy, so simple, people really DO still react to that type of crap. And I mean, by far and large, most people ARE fairly stupid/ignorant. If you take a little time, and put a little effort in reVEALING how stupid a person is, you can really get a react from them.

Example:recently, a local emo band(they sound like early Discount minus talent plus metal) said they were a power pop band. This statement was obviously ridiculus so I wrote out a short piece revealing their stupidity. I named thirty some power pop bands, from all time periods and sub-sub-genre's, all the way from the ultra obvious Kinks and Cheap Tricks down to the more obscure Manual Scans and Diplomats. I then asked the aforementioned emo band if they were fans of ANY of the bands listed there. From their responces it was more then clear that none of them had the slightest clue about any of those bands, and was really just using the term "power pop" because it isn't cool for emo bands to call themselves "emo". They did not know what power pop was and were using that label because they heard it once somewhere and thought it sounded good. Just to drive the nail in further, I also noted that none of them had EVER attended ANY of the area power pop shows. Their responce was "How can we go see bands that we've never heard of?" Exactly, they had never heard about those bands because they didn't know the SLIGHTEST thing about power pop and had no interest in finding OUT about it.

Next, no matter what situation you're in, or who you're talking to, you should always try and make things as personal as possible. Once, when I was applying to be a radio DJ, the stations manager would not return my emails, so I then insulted her at great length and critisized her abilities and said that it was no WONDER that college radio never got anywhere when the managerial staff was so incompetent. Or well, I wasn't that extreme, but still, that's more or less what I said. Anyway, I got a responce from her right away when I said all that crap. Of course she was pissed and of course I nearly got fired, but I was ready to quit anyways because she hadn't been reutrning my emails(and other reasons). Sure, I then apologized, and I'm certain I am now forever labeled as an "attitude problem" there, BUT I got what I wanted and really, there was no other way to do it.

Slangin' the 'tude is all about working the negative end, you can also work the positive end to, but it's not nearly as fun and you feel a whole lot more scummy that way. To work the positive end, you take that same knowledge of people and their cliched stupidity and you use to to them in a manor which they will NOT find threatening. When you're talking to an idiot and you know JUST how stupid he is, when you KNOW how his brain works, you can avoid scaring him off. Fer instance, I know a guy who is in a hardcore band and has a radio show, he likes Gorilla Biscuits, he ALSO likes Wu Tang Clan and Ludicris. Now, if I want to con him into doing my biding, how do I approach him, how do I talk to him? Well, by keeping things simple and stupid. I don't talk to him about how since ALL people have weaknesses, the only truly "strong" people are those who can adMIT to their weaknesses. No, that would confuse him, he'd be threatened by it. Instead, I just more talk to him about the weather or uhhhhh, NBC's "Friends" or something like that. Something nice and dumb, that's all he can really handle. Then, once I have that rapport built up, I can talk about "the scene" and "untiy" and crap like that and fool him into doing what I want him to do.

As I said though, working the positive end just isn't very fun. Slangin' the 'tude and pissing people off SERIOUSLY is always much more fun. Anyway, once you've been slangin' the 'tude for long enough, you'll start to really understand people, and once you've mastered that, the skies the limit. Recently, I conned my way into being a wrestling promotor even though I had absolutly no experience or CLUE even as to how to BE a wrestling promotor. How did I do it? By applying the skills I'd learned slangin' the 'tude.

Moral of the story:I promise my next column will be less evil and won't be SUCH total bullshit......

"To Be Alive is to Be in Pain"

Okey-dokey, so here's another old Blank Gen column. It's dates from April of 2002.


"Youth is choas and self distruction. Becoming an adult is all about getting tired of all the bullshit and realizing what an idiot you were."
-Joseph Lowerbackpain

Before we get really started here, lemme once again thank everybody for his or her responses to my last column. For those of you wondering, NO, XX(name withheld out of modern day embarrassment)XXX DIDn't turn out to be asshole, but that's a whole 'nother story all together, one I ain't gonna get into right now. Actually, a couple years from now, I'm sure I'll write up the whole incident, or work it into a screenplay or something, but whatever. Right now though, we need to get into this column, so lemme just say "strap yerselves in, 'cause it's gonna be a bumpy ride" and we'll be off.

Now MRR sucks for many, many reasons, we all know that. SOME time in the near future I'm sure I'll write something more in-depth about it, but today I have come here to express my gripes with a particular "feature" of the zine. Yep, that fucking "punk parenting" column. Jesus H. FUCK (exclamation point) what is up with that column? Ne'er before have I e'er been assaulted with such liberal, hippie, ineffectual, Mother Earth BULLshit in a "punk zine." Column after column, it's always this "Every day the bond between my baby and me grows stronger. My love for her is like a river flowing long and deep through the mountains of my flaky, do-gooder moronicy."

How in the HELL does that bullshit qualify as PUNK parenting? That's all just hippie shit, yo. It's the same idiocy that they've been spouting for DECADES now. And have you ever SEEN how kids raised by hippies turned out? Kids raised by hardcore, commune livin', backyard gardening hippies? The kids that actually got to EXPERIENCE all that new age shit? That had those cruel philosophies inflicted upon them as children? Have you ever SEEN how they turn out? They are some of the most fucked up kids EVER. There's not a scar free wrist amongst them (you know what I mean). Hippies can spout all the peace lovin', flower smokin' bullshit parenting theory they WANT, but the TRUTH speaks a WHOLE lot louder then any of their drivel.

Why are hippies bad parents, by in large? Because they're fucking SELF-CENTERED, they put themSELVES and their own wants ahead of their children’s NEEDS. They're all about "me" and "what I (emphasis on ‘I’) want". Following the beat of the hippie drum is SUCH a fundamental mistake; a mistake which I thought most punk rockers DIDN'T make. But no, that fucking "punk parenting" column just keeps on spewing it's touchy, feely, idiotic jive and it's disgusting. Recently, someone wrote in and complained about how there wasn't enough childcare at some anarchist festival she went to. Ya know, and how it was SOOOO inconvenient for her to have to lug her baby to all the workshops. That's a PERFECT example of what I'm talking about, they were putting themSELVES and their WANTS ahead of their children.

When ya have kids, and this should go without saying, but THEY come first, EVERYthing else in your life goes on the back burner. When you have kids, your life, as you KNOW IT, changes, it becomes about providing and protecting and blah, blah, all that shit. A baby is not a HOBBY, it's not something you "do" on the weekends, and it’s a full time, completely life altering event. After having a kid, you are NO LONGER the same person you were beforehand. It all changes, it's all different and just fucking forGET about who you were "before" because it doesn't matter any more.

Having a child is what MAKES you grow up. It's what turns you INTO an adult. No longer a child yourself, now you are "grown up." Of course, 95% of people, when they have kids, they don't grow up at all. They don't cut out any of their old self-destructive bullshit, they don't assume responsibility for their lives, they don't do ANY of the things that makes one a TRUE parent. Most people, they just fucking HAVE kids, and they just happily bring them along into their own little world of dysfunction. There's no thought as to whether they're emotionally ready, or if they've really dealt with themselves and their problems. There's none of that. They just do it, and don't really think about it.

Of course though, if people actually DID do all of that, if they DID actually wait to have children until they were really READY, then the human race would probably die out within a hundred years. Damn old survival instinct and the need to propagate the species. Fuck you Mother Nature! Nature doesn't care if you're happy or not, evolution don’ give a FUCK if yer "satisfied", all they care about is that you just pass your god damned genes onto the next generation, just keep the whole thing going. Human beings and all life in general aren’t meant to THRIVE, it's just built to SURVIVE. You're not MEANT to be completely fulfilled in life, if you WERE, then you'd never DO anything. There'd be no motivation, no forward momentum, nothing would ever HAPPEN. Pain and fear is what gets things done in this world. You work/hunt to find food because of that ache in your stomach. You piss because it feels like you are going to burst, because it HURTS. To be ALIVE is to be IN PAIN. To be alive is to be unfulfilled, to be yerning, striving, just trying to keep your head above WATER. Being happy is the antithesis of nature. So yeah, that's why so many people are having so many kids when they are SOOOO emotionally unready to be parents, because that's just how life works. Your parents fuck you up, and you spend your life trying "fix" it all, and in that uhhhhh "quest", you get a lot of shit done. Things advance, everything moves forward. Pain caused by poor parenting is the steam in the steam engine of life.

Still though, there’s the question of, "If that MRR column is HIPPIE parenting, then what IS 'punk parenting'?" Whelp, lemme tell you, true punk parenting is just basically, "Don't have kids, ya re-re. You’ll just fuck 'em up too bad." Or if not that, then it SHOULD be about being AWARE of a lot of the factors of parenthood that most people aren't. It should be about thinking about how you feel about your parents, being aware of how they fucked you up. It should be about being aware of how your parents feel about their OWN parents, and how their parents fuck THEM up. 'Cause ya know if you hate your parents, and your parents hated THEIR parents, then it's pretty safe to say that your kids will hate you as well. Life is all pretty much just cycles and bullshit cliches and stereotypes that keep on repeating over and over again. A "punk parent" needs to be AWARE of ALL this vicious circles and should to do their best to keep their kids from falling into them.

Punk parenting shouldn't be about touchy, feely, new age rigmarole; it should be about acknowledging the fact that YEAH, I'm GONNA fuck up my kids no matter WHAT I do, even if I'm the best parent EVER, EVER (double emphasis on the second "EVER") I'm still gonna fuck up my kid somehow. It should be about being AFRAID of how you are gonna fuck up your kids. It should be about TALKING about that fear, TALKING to other people and ANALYZING whether you yourself are even REMOTELY ready to have kids. That's what is SHOULD be about, but no, it isn't, and every month when I read that fucking column in MRR, I get REALLY pissed because I don't see them talking about ANYthing like that. All I see is empty rhetoric, and bullshit theory and kids, which are most likely gonna grow up to be just SOOOOO extremely fucked up, far more then average, percentage-wise. Like that same person who complained about childcare, she made some comments about how there WAS child care at one festival or whatever and how it was nice for her daughter to get to be around other kids as "weird" as her. Now this child was THREE fucking years old and she alREADY felt "weird", like she didn't fit in in the world? She was alREADY feeling alienated at fucking THREE YEARS OLD........ Oh my holy fucking GOD (excla-FUCKING-mation point)... Most serial killers even didn't even feel like outcasts at THREE. I myself didn't even notice I was an outcast 'til like 11 or so. But at THREE YEARS OLD though, to feel like an outcast, holy SHIT is that kid ever gonna be SCREWED. Facial tattoos, surgically implanted devil horns and an amputee fetish are most likely what await that kid.

Punk parenting should be about LESS bullshit, not MORE. As I've said before, punk rock isn't some golden, ideological wonderland full of the GREATest people EVER with the BEST, HEALTIEST ideas, ever to have been espoused by man. It's mainly just fucked kids trying desperately to distract themselves from their own deep set emotional problems. And of course, when fucked up kids with deep set emotional problems have their OWN kids, you can sure as FUCK believe that THEIR kids are gonna reINVENT the meaning of "deep set emotional problems." You can see it happening more and more lately, people evolving into even BIGGER fuck-ups, even BIGGER emotional cripples. Shit, most punks nowadays are probably borderline agoraphobics, imagine where THAT's gonna go in a few generations if people don't get help. Punk rockers aren't the elite, and our ideals aren't somehow magically the answer to all problems in the world. Sadly though, a lot of us DO actually think that, and that's where the problems start to come in... When you think your ideals are the end all, be all, you stop thinking, you stop developing, and you just set about to shove your ideas down the throats of others. That's what religious fucks have been doing for centuries. They think they're right, they think they have all the answers, so they just try and cram it down the collective cake hole of humanity. The problem IS, they DON'T have all the answers, they aren't "better" then ANYone. They think they're great, they AREN'T. PUNKS think they're great, they think they have all the answers, BUT THEY DON'T, they're all just another schmuck who thinks they're better than everyone else.

A punk rock approach to parenting, an ANARCHIST approach to parenting should be about raising children that DO fit in, kids that can relate to EVERYONE, kids that understand and are friends with ALL PEOPLE, not just some ultra-narrow, marginalized 0.0001% of the population. Fucking hell, anarchism is supposed to be about people all GETTING ALONG with one another and working together in PERFECT harmony, but NO, anarchist types are mainly just the most outcast-y, fringy, anti-social, can't relate ANYone, fuck-tards you've ever met. Ever wonder why there are so many crossovers between anarchists and murders? These are unhealthy people. The more extreme their views, the more fucked up they are. They need to wall themselves off from reality and forge this little narrow world of lies and distortions because OTHERwise, they'd have to deal with THEMSELVES. They make the WORLD the problem, and not themselves. Not that the world ISN'T fucked up, mind you, but these people are far more fucked up, percentage-wise, than the rest of the world, and because of that, they are responsible for making the world a SHITTIER place to live. Which is of course, the exact OPPOSITE of their "aims."

The most unsettling part ABOUT that whole MRR punk parenting column is just the ignorance displayed by it. It's not questioning or challenging ANYthing, it's just following in line, doing what its told. I haven't heard any new ideas from its direction, it's not even remotely interesting, and it’s just fucking AWFUL. THESE are the people that raising the next generation? Oh my god, I hope not. Thankfully though, most punks don't HAVE kids. There really isn't such a thing as a "second generation punk", and that's lucky. If there was, the kid would just get too disconnected from reality. He'd be like a home schooled kid, all insular and weird, and wouldn't ever get any of the jokes comedians made, it'd be sad. Most people aren't meant/ready to have kids, INCLUDING punks.

And I mean, it's not like we still can't be influential on people, on the next generation or whatever. I mean, the punk rock community has been one of the major influencing factors in my life. Just because you're not someone's PARENT, just because they were not born of your loins, it doesn't mean you can't have any effect on them. Shit, just look at those aforementioned kids of hippies. At shows all the time I see like high school girls who were just SOOOO fucked up by their hippie parents and they just SOOOOOOOOOO WANT someone to BE a parent to them. You just look in their face and you see the pain, and the need for love and attention and how they want SOMEBODY to be their fucking DADDY because they sure ain't getting any fathering at home. It's sad, really fucking sad… Anyway, if being influential on the next generation is so important to you, if guiding young peoples lives, so they don't make the same mistakes you did, is something you wanna DO, then well, focus your attention on THOSE kids. Ya know, the ones that are fucked up now and NEED help, the ones the NEED guidance and parenting and well, LOVE. But don't have sex with them, because that's all creepy and sleazy and illegal and stuff.

And of course, having kids IS one of the most fulfilling things you can do in life, it WILL make you generally happier and you WILL be filled with some kind of unending hippie love river, BUT, BUT, BUT (double emphasis on the second "BUT" and triple emphasis on the third one), that is about YOU, and how YOU feel, it's about YOUR feelings. Sure YOU'll be happier and more fulfilled, but it's not ABOUT you, it's about the FUCKING KID. Who GIVES a shit if YOU'RE more fulfilled, it's about THE KID and how happy and healthy THEY ARE. It is not about YOU; it is about THE CHILD. It doesn't MATTER if YOU feel better about yourSELF because you've brought a child into the world that you ultimately are just gonna turn into one of the biggest fuck-ups ever to set foot on the face of the earth. It's not about you; it's about THEM.

MORAL OF THE STORY: Don't have kids, fucko.

OFFICIAL MOVIE OF THE WEEK: "Amelie." Thank you Shaun Anagram for recommending it to me. I HAD seen reviews and I thought it'd be too stupid and sickly sweet. I watched it, and YEAH, while it WAS really sweet, it didn't come across as saccharine, ya know, like one of the Jim Carrey movies were he wants to be "taken seriously as an actor." Jim Carrey wanting to be taken seriously as an actor is akin to Arnold Swartzenegger wanting to be taken seriously as an actor. Get it through your thick skulls, boys, you SUCK.........

OFFICIAL BAND OF THE WEEK: Ummmmmm, The Hole Adaptors.

OFFICIAL ALL NIGHT SAMMICH SHOP OF THE WEEK: Sheetz....... When I want a sub at 4AM, I know where to go.

OFFICIAL PERSON WHO SUCKS OF THE WEEK: XXXX "pretty baby" know why you suck........

OFFICIAL DVD OF THE WEEK: "Bully"........Larry Clark is a pervert..............

OFFICIAL REAL LIFE INCARNATION OF TV's "The Critic" OF THE WEEK: The guy from "Haiku Tunnel."

OFFICIAL PERSON THAT THREATENED TO BEAT ME UP ON A LOCAL PUNK MESSAGE BOARD BUT THEN NEVER FOLLOWED THROUGH OF THE WEEK: I don't remember who it was, but it was SOMEbody, I think maybe it was X XXXXXX XXXXX's bass player, maybe not…

OFFICIAL PLEA TO READ MY RIP OFF COLUMN OF THE WEEK: Read my bi-weekly column at the Rip Off Records website (, it's a shorter, eviler, more bullshit laden version of these Blank Gen columns.............

Some Positive Rip Off stuff & interesting crap at the very end about Riot Grrrls

My Blank Gen column from December 2001. This is the one that got me a "gig" at Rip Off.


"I'm really starting to hate these beginning of column quotes."
- Clint Parson, December 5th, 2001

Okay, biatches, new column time. Ya ready to party? And by the way, thanks to all who responded positively to my last column. Yeah, believe it or not, I actually have some female "fans" now. I never knew girls actually read this column, oh well, go figure, people'll always surprise you (no they won't). I suppose now though I'll have to cut out all those sexist under-currents. Damn, I always enjoyed those so much. Yeah, I think I'll just switch to homoPHOBIC undercurrents from now on. I doubt there are any fags out there that read my column(MODERN DAY, 2005 EDITOR'S NOTE:Was this really written in the days before everyone said "fag" all the time?) . Blank Gen doesn't exactly have a huge following amongst the "light in the loafer" crowd. Wait, I thought I said homophobic UNDERcurrents? That last comment was anything BUT "under". I have to go all subtle with homophobia, otherwise I won't be able to get away with it. Anyway, this first paragraph is getting real long, I need to throw in a "strap yourselves in, cause it's gonna be a bumpy ride", before too soon. Yup, every month that goes by, this damn column becomes more and more heavily gimmicked. Or is the proper term "gimmick laden". All I know is that I need to get to my topic for this column or otherwise....... Well, I could probably go on for a whole column with this type of crap, but god DAMN IT, I ain't some Johnny-Stream (of consciousness) Lately, Rev. Norb, Nate Disgusting(EDITOR AGAIN:these old columns spook me out sometimes) wannabe, I am a god damned WRITER. I write about things, topics and subjects, and theories. I tell ALL you fuckers how to live your lives and what to think and god DAMNIT, I'm right, and you're all fucking WRONG. I am your king, bow at my feet. You wallow in your own mediocrity and grow duller and slow-witted as each day goes by. While I, I grow stronger with each passing moment. My powers increase on a bi-weekly basis and will continue do so until I've reached a nigh-god like status (and I'm tailing nigh THE god, not just A go)(whoa, that typo's a remnant of the days when I had a keyboard with a "d" button that didn't work very well). Fear me, because I am all that you never will and never could be. I am the end. I am the now.... I am pain. I am it ALLLLLLLLLL. Yeah motherfuckers, strap yourselves in, 'cause this is gonna be one fucking bumpy ride (oh shit, I still haven't gotten to the topic of this column)......

God damn, not only haven't I gotten to the TOPIC of this column, but I haven't even included the second POINT I wanted to make in the first paragraph. Ya know, the first point was that; yeah, the people that dug my last column are cool. My SECOND point though was gonna be that; even though a lot of people DUG that last column, there were OTHER people, OLD "fans" of mine that DIDN'T like my last offering. A few of them even said my last column was fucking EMO. To these people I say: "Fuck you douche-tard, I'll no sooner go emo then YOU'll pull your thumb out of your dog's ass." FUCK-NUGGETS, I'm really on a role tonight. I COULD write this whole column without getting to the actual topic. Sorry, Joey boy, but I got the feeling this column is gonna be a long one.

Okay, but getting to the SUBJECT of this wild, off kilter, ego-maniacal rant (hey, I got a talent [a talent that few possess] for this kind of thing, what I can I say?) It, like many other in things in my life, all started with Rip Off Records. Here was a label putting out great band after GREAT band. Each more amazing then the last and yet, most people, most "punks" didn't have the slightest CLUE about Rip Off (and still don't). They would just listen to shit and praise it as uhhhh, I don know, chocolate ice cream.

Out of all of this, I slowly started to form an opinion, the opinion that I really knew way more about music then ANYbody else in this fucking town. The stuff they called "great" sounded horrible to me, the Rip Off bands were clearly superior, these people just didn't know what they were talking about. They have no taste. No ability to discern what was good from what wasn't. Myself though? I more then had this ability, I had it in spades. I had SOOO much of this ability that I actually EVENED THINGS OUT for the poor taste of everyone else around. Needless to say, I grew confident in my own personal tastes.........

This attitude, this confidence, then spread from area of life/entertainment to another. It went from music to TV to movies. I've watched thousands of hours of movies and TV in my life, in local video stores I've seen a good 90% of all the films they have there, the rest I don't CARE to see. I can more then easily tell the good from the bad. Been there, seen that, thought it sucked. All the experts in all the various fields always seemed to agree with my opinions, opinions I had way before I ever read THEIR views on such and such. When Mike Nelson (of Mystery Science Theater) came out with his "Movie Megacheese" book, he pretty much had exact same opinion of every movie that I did. And obviously, he knows his shit....(I mean, in all honesty, I've always been a very good critic. that's just my personality)

All this while, while my confidence in my own critical uhhh "perceptiveness" grew, there lurked a new BS social theory just behind it waiting to break free. Ya see, as I went throughout my day to day, I noticed that often times, there were things that I THOUGHT were SUPPOSED to be good, things that SEEMED OUTwardly to be interesting but I don know, I just couldn't get into some of it. I tried to read Chomsky, but I don know, something about it, it didn't quite seem to be the revolution it SHOULD be, something was off. The raw information was there MAYBE, and it SEEMED like it should be something that should get me fired up or whatever, but I don know, it just seemed to be LACKING in some kind of fundiMENTAL SOMEthing.

Eventually though, I figured it out, I realized what was missing. And THAT is what my column today is about (it's about fucking time I got to the point of this), it's about "THE GRAND THEORY OF EN-FUCKING-GAGE-MENT". And I ain't talking about getting married, fuck-twad. WHY didn't Chomsky appeal to me? Because it's fucking BORING. Old Noam is HORRIBLE writer who couldn't write his out of or INto a wet paper bag. He’s terrible.

Now some would say, "Dude, it's not him that's wrong, you're the one that's wrong, if you really cared about this type of crap you'd be interested." Bull fucking shit, that crap is just terrible and there's not a sane person in the world that'd pay attention to it. Why? Because it's BORING......

Now take dogs for example, they have a sense of hearing far more acute-er then human beings. They can hear shit happening way far away. HOW THEN do dogs ever focus on one thing? How can they pull the sound of YOUR voice telling them to lick the peanut butter off your balls OUT of the cacophony of sound that's bouncing around inside their head? Well, it's easy, because their brain autoMATICALLY filters out all the bullshit they don't NEED to hear. If it ain't important, then they ain't paying attention to it. This is what was happening with me and Noam. I was reading it and my brain was going, "Dude, this is horrible, it's like reading a science text book, this OBVIOUSLY has nothing to do with your life, this'll never EVER help you figure out how to be successful, this ain't ever gonna help you get laid." While I said, "But this is SUPPOSED to be something good, maybe I'm the one that's wrong." But no, my brain was right, that shit was boring and tedious and pointless, I SHOULDn't 've been trying to pay attention to it, I WAS just wasting my time.

So yeah, THAT is what "THE GRAND THEORY OF ENGAGEMENT" is, i.e. If you are like me, and have a finely honed critical uhhh pallet, and you find such and such shit BORING, then it doesn't DESERVE your attention. YOU aren't the one that's wrong; it's the boring thing that's wrong. If it's boring don't spend any time on it. Despite the hype, despite the rhetoric, despite the propaganda of a million people telling you OTHERWISE, old fucking Noam Chomsky ain't nothing but a bad sit-com, a made for TV movie that they shouldn' 'a made. It's a boring book and no matter what clothes they prop it up in, it still SUCKS and it’s still POINTLESS...

Things that are GOOD; things that can affect and CHANGE lives; things that are POSITIVE and MOVE THINGS FORWARD are ALWAYS by their very NATURE, FUCKING INTERESTING. THEY ARE ENGAGING. You can't ignore them, they draw you in and you can't escape from them, there's NO possible way you CAN'T pay attention to them. They hit you over the HEAD with how good they are. There's no slow conversion process; it's fucking INSTANT, INSTANT, motherfucker. GOOD, ENGAGING, POSITIVE things that move us all forward as people are like the fucking first Zodiac Killers record, five seconds in you already KNOW it's the greatest thing ever and you can't ever imagine how you lived and experienced and FELT your life before that. It changes IT ALL in AN INSTANT........ INTERESTING THINGS are the ONLY way to go, BORING crap, by it's very DEFINITION, no gives a fuck about it. You SHOULDN'T pay attention to it.......

Ya know, in school, ya study and try and learn all that crap from science books, from math books, you cram it all in there and turn it all over, MASTER it. But guess WHAT? Since it's BORING, since the books ARE POORLY WRITTEN, since they teach ALL OF IT to you IN THE WRONG WAY, you fucking forget ALL of in a few weeks time, or as soon as semester is over, or whenever. The point is that you don't remember ANY of it, and that's because your brain automatically KNOWS that all that shit is pointless and just dumps it out the back door. Ya ain't ever gonna need it, you ain't ever gonna use it. Your brain knows better then you do........

Of course though, like I was saying earlier, this theory really only applies to those with that "finely honed critical sense". People that can tell the good from the bad, the boring from the engaging… Ya know, for people like us, if it's boring, well, it doesn't deSERVE to be paid attention to. If it doesn't draw you in and MAKE you a part of it, if it doesn't INSTANTLY teach all you've never known but NEEDED to know, well then, DON'T PAY ATTENTION........

(I should point out somewhere here that I was fairly bored with politics at the time and my attitude in this column reflects that. I've gotten re-politisized again within the last two years or so, but who hasn't? These are politically charged times)

Not everyone though can tell what's truly boring and what isn't. Most people are just WRONG in the things they find boring. Most people, if they can't understand something, if it's over their head, they do all they can to discredit it, to devalue it. That's why person after person called Andy fucking Kaufman "crazy". They didn't/couldn't comprehend what he was doing. To them he was going from "A" to "C" and they just couldnae get a handle on it (here's a hint, he went through "B"). They felt threatened by him, challenged by him. So they did what they could to destroy him. They CALLED him crazy, I'm sure some even said he was boring, but that wasn't the TRUTH. The truth was that he was inCREDIBLY interesting, the one of the MOST interesting artists in the last thirty years. He truly opened the world (the comedy world, at least) to modes of expression that they didn't knew EXISTED before him. He was many things, but he certainly was not boring.......

Of course though, there are still indeed SEVERAL boring things that people devote their time and attention to, WHY do they do it? Well, most boring things, SINCE they're so boring, they have to GIVE PEOPLE MONEY to pay attention to them, they have to PAY them. That's why people spend time on boring stuff, MONEY. If you give people money, you can get them too do anything, no matter how boring or un-tasteful or EVIL or whatEVER. Hell, most people nowadays, a good 99% are involved with SOME kind of evil through their job. The kid working at McDonalds for 2.45 an hour is involved with the temperature of the earth going up. But I mean, that's life, the way things are set up nowadays, you can't escape that, you can't not be evil.....

But anyway, back more to the topic. Things like science and math, they ARE essential, and DO need to be paid attention to, but the way those topics are taught in school, it totally drains any fun and enjoyment out of things. In their true, natural essence, science and math are extremely engaging, but in this culture, the way it's presented to us, it's just WAY fucking boring. To the point where most of us can't even IMAGINE how these things could EVER be interesting. Still though, they should be, since they are essential to survival, we SHOULD find it interesting. Just like basic nature and survival dictates that if we NEED it to survive, we will find it REALLY interesting. We like to fuck so much because we NEED that to survive. If people didn't like to fuck so much, all animal life would die off pretty quickly. But no, ya know, it's deep, it's ingrained, it's there and it's not ever going away. We need food, we're interested in that, need air, warmth, we're extremely interested in all these things........

I don know, maybe part of the reason why there are SOOO many SEEMINGly important things out there that are SOOOO boring, is because things have become so compartmentalized, everything is so isolated. We know assloads about such and such topic, but we don't know how it relates to other topics. We can see one tiny little piece of the picture, we have a clear view of that, but we are completely unable to step back in order to view the whole picture. We KNOW that one fucking pixel on the TV scene is WAY purple, but until we actually STEP BACK, until we put ALL those fucking "pixels" together, we'll never know that we're actually looking at Barney the god damned dinosaur.

One little tiny, isolated bit of knowledge, no matter HOW familiar you are with it, no matter how well you've STUDIED it, it's USELESS unless you are able to fit it into the larger context, unless you are able to understand how it fits into that bigger picture, how it works, what role it plays.

THAT is what's wrong with the current way math and science and whatEVER are taught, it's too small, too compartmentalized, too isolated. You are given no context as to how it fits in with the rest of the world, it's just that one small fucking pixel and who in the FUCK knows what it has to do with ANYTHING? Education, as it is now, in the United States, it sucks, it gives you a bunch of fucking puzzle pieces, they pick out a couple pieces for you, and you have to memorize all you can about them, take a test about it a week later and then move on to some new pieces. Yer never supposed to put any of it together, it's just cold, no-context having data and there's no fucking WAY it registers emotionally with ANYone.........

In their proper context, there wouldn't BE things such as "science" or "math" or whatever; it all would just be the same thing. We would understand how things are SOOOO interconnected, how everything relates to EVERYthing else and how just plain WRONG it would be ever try and separate these things, how big of an error we'd be making by compartmentalizing this crap. The pixel on the TV sceen, in and of itself, it's meaningless, pointless, BORING. It only has significance when it's placed into the LARGER context, only THEN can we truly perceive it, only then can really understand what's going on. Only then can we see fucking Barney................

Stop isolating things, stop taking shit even further apart. Start working towards putting it all together..............

Aaaaaaaah, this is fun. Anyway, I think I had some other point there too, lemme think.....Oh yeah, some people, sooOOOMe people, they will dedicate time and energy to boring crap even if they AREN'T paid to do. Why do they do this? Well, because there are insane. Or not so much "insane" as they have deep-set emotional/mental problems that they are desperately trying to distract themselves from. SOOOO, some people, they'll latch onto a bore-monger like Chomsky and they'll actually READ a LOT of that crap. 'Cause it takes SOOOO much effort and SOOOO energy to get through one of his books, it's SUCH a HERCULAN effort that they just CAN'T think about anything else while reading him. It LITERALLY takes ALL their brainpower to just input that crap. There’s no left over processing power to uhhhhh "process" how they're all fucked up inside. All their effort, all their energy, all their BEING is focused into just getting THROUGH that fucking BORING book. THAT's why people spend so much time on boring crap, because it's SOOOOOO bad that it takes the whole of the entire BEING just to FORCE THEMSELVES to read each and every new sentence. Every few seconds their bullshit detector rings anew "BULLSHIT, BULLSHIT, DON'T TAKE THIS CRAP SERIOUSLY, BULLSHIT, BULLSHIT, NO NEED TO PAY ATTENTION, BULLSHIT, BULLSHIT, YOU'RE HARMING YOUSELF BY READING THIS, BULLSHIT, BULLSHIT, BULLSHIT, BULLSHIT, BULLSHIT, BULLSHIT, BULLSHIT, BULLSHIT, BULLSHIT......................."

Moral of the Story: Boring stuff sucks......

OFFICIAL MOVIE OF THE WEEK: Uhhhhh, have I seen anything good lately? Naw, I don think so. "Not Another Teen Movie" is coming out soon, that should good (I'm being sarcastic). Anybody seen the special sneak peek trailers for the new star wars? Anakin is wearing those jedi robes, but his robes are BLACK, thus foreshadowing his eventually darkside turn. I rented "The Big Chill" recently on DVD, mainly because it's one of those "classic" type movies I had never seen before. It was terrible. I'll take "Drinking Games" over it any day of the week. Also rented "American Grafeat-o-tag", it sucked to. Although, it served as the inspiration for "Happy Days" so, well, everyone involved with that movie deserves to burn in hell (George Lucas included [although not before he's done with the third Star Wars prequel]).

OFFICIAL COOL PERSON I'VE MET RECENTLY OF THE WEEK: xxxxxx xxxxxxxxxx, she's cool..... (why was I always putting people's names in these things? P.S.She didn't turn out to be cool in the long run, but don't worry she wasn't a girl I was trying to fuck)

OFFICIAL PRONOUNCMENT THAT xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxx x xxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxxxx xxxxxxx? xxxxxxxxx! xx(yeah, I'm not even gonna tell ya what that one was about)

OFFICIAL PLEA TO BANDS AND LABELS TO SEND US RECORDS HERE IN BLACKSBURG OF THE WEEK: I just got appointed as the new "guy who tries to solicit records from cool labels and bands" for the college radio station here (WUVT 90.7FM) So, if you are a cool label or band, send me crap at:

Clint Parson
Blacksburg, VA 24060-5116

Anything you send WILL be played on the air, unless it sucks.......

OFFICIAL SHOW THAT BLEW MY SOCKS OFF OF THE WEEK: The fucking Lazy Cowgirls in Chapel Hill this last Friday. They've been around for twenty fucking years and they're STILL amazing. One of the BEST shows I've ever been to........

OFFICIAL PERSON THAT SUCKS THAT I SHALL MENTION BY NAME OF THE WEEK: Uhhhhh, I guess I still think XXXXX XXXXXXXX is a prick........(I don't think he's a prick any more. He's on my My Space!)

OFFICIAL TOPIC FOR MY NEXT COLUMN OF THE WEEK: My next column will probably be about "THE GRAND 'BEST FOOT FORWARD' THEORY".......and yes, ALL my theories are QUITE grand........

OFFICIAL PRONOUNCMENT THAT I THINK THE CHEESE ON THE CHEESEBURGER I JUST GOT FROM WENDY'S MIGHT'VE BEEN SPOILED OF THE WEEK: I think the cheese on the cheeseburger I just got from Wendy's might've been spoiled. I've been feeling kinda queasy since I ate it......

OFFICIAL OTHER ZINE I'M GONNA START WRITING FOR OF THE WEEK: I'm gonna write for my friend Chloe's zine that she's just starting up. She's from Ottawa and kinda knew Tom Green before he was famous. The first thing I'm gonna write about is how all zines suck. I'll give info on how obtain a copy in a later column. Also to, what the name of the zine'll be..............

OFFICIAL POINT AT WHICH I WONDER ALOUD "WHAT ABOUT THOSE HOMOPHOBIC UNDERCURRENTS I WAS GONNA WEAVE INTO THIS COLUMN?" OF THE WEEK: Remember, like the first paragraph up there, I said something about working in some homophobic undercurrents, cause I couldn't do the sexist ones anymore since I have a bunch of chick fans now? Ya know, so I said I was just gonna switch to homoPHOBIC ones in order to uhhh sublimate my uhhhh general hatred of all peoples who I don't understand. "Peoples" which include women and gays... Anyway so then, okay, homophobic undercurrents, lemme think, uhhh, uhhhhh. Okay, I got it: "I would like Tribe 8, but the only problem is their music sucks." No wait, that's just my actual opinion..... Uhhhhh, can someone please tell me why I like Queer-core more then Riot Grrrl? I don't even really get that one myself. Maybe it's 'cause queer-core's a positive PRO-gay thing and Riot Grrrl, well, it's anti-man, a NEGATIVE THING...... Wait, now I'm back on the SEXIST undercurrents. God damnit..... Although just because I have a negative view of Riot Grrrl doesn't automatically mean I'm sexist. Because obviously, Riot Grrrl was/is sexist, and most of it's figurehead/leader types seem to be victims of sexual abuse and therefore, by DEFINITION have serious unresolved issues with men that'll need years upon years of therapy in order to be worked out. Ya know, and until then, these people will never have a positive, even handed, rational, CLEAR view of men in general. Until those abuse and molestation issues are dealt with, these women will always essentially HATE men...... Oh fuck, I got serious again. Must be funny some more... But shit, that's the fact, for the most part, Riot Grrrl doesn't seem to really BE about emotionally healthy women working in accordance with men to make the world an equal place for both males and females. Riot Grrl instead seems to be about fucked up, victimized girls lashing out, INVENTING new problems for themselves, and just desperately trying to distract themselves from their problems......Oh fuck, when did I wonder back into my "Chicks and rock'n'roll" column? I need to move onto a new "OFFICIAL.....BLAH, BLAH...OF THE WEEK".......

OFFICIAL "I DON'T THINK I'M DONE WITH THIS TOPIC" OF THE WEEK: Yeah, what brought all of this back up is that I just bought that Re: Search book about zines the other day, and most of all it is like Riot Grrrl type stuff, and I don know, it just pisses off to read that stuff because it's SOOOO NOT about reality, it's so about NOT dealing with your problems. It's so about taking one problem, inflating it, and pretending that THAT's the source of all your problems. I mean, sure, the world's fucked up, but on AVERAGE, you yourself are far more fucked up in general then most of the world is. Ya know, the world may be 80% fucked up, but YOU, you're 90% fucked up and are actually partially responsible for making the world an even MORE unhealthy, unhappy place.

OFFICIAL THING THAT COULD BE A TOPIC FOR ANOTHER COLUMN BUT FUCK IT I'M JUST GONNA TALK ABOUT IT NOW OF THE WEEK: Okay, they say one person CAN make difference. YEAH, BUUUUUT that one person has to be a total fucking GENUIS, they have to be brilliant and charisMATIC, they have to be a fucking LEADER. They have to be SIGNIFICANTLY LESS fucked up then everyone else in the world. SO then, if YOU, if YOU wanna change the world, the BEST way you can WORK ON THAT is to WORK ON YOURSELF. Work on making you yourself LESS FUCKED UP. Because you CAN'T change the world being MORE fucked up then most people............... But well, fuck, that would've been much longer if it was a column, but oh well....

OFFICIAL ANYWAY, BACK TO THE HOMOPHOBIC UNDERTONES OF THE WEEK: I avoided saying "underTONES" this whole time, but there it is now, feel free to make all the "male model" jokes you want......... Wait a minute, I think that THERE was just a homophobic undercurrent (exclamation point), YAY. I've achieved my goal, now I can END this fucking column...............

OFFICIAL "OR NOT" OF THE WEEK: Or not...Glad to see Ric Flair's back in wrestling. Speaking of which, I've been talking to some people about maybe trying to set up a rock'n'wrestling show. Ya know, bands and wrestlers, TOGETHER on one bill..... It'll be cool if we can make it happen........